3 Taken Toll On Me

I don't know why does it hurts so much when Luo Yang told me that he is going away.I just couldn't bring myself to forgive him.I know that it was not his fault but I just want to find someone to put the blame on.

A week later Han Chen-ge told me that Luo Yang had disappeared.He thought Luo Yang was spending his last few days with me before he leaves.I told him that since we fought that night I've not seen him.

A month has passed since Luo Yang disappearance.The police couldn't trace anything about where he had been.No one knows whether he left on his own or being kidnapped.But Han Chen-ge guessed that Yang was being kidnapped because he didn't take anything with him.It was like he disappeared with the air.As I was thinking about where Yang had possibly gone to,my phone ring tone shook me out of my thoughts.

"Elizabeth,can you find a place to sit down first?I hope you will prepare yourself for what I'm about to tell you."

"Alright.Han Chen-ge you can tell me now."

"I'm at Yang's apartment right now and there's a corpse here.I couldn't assume that this is Yang because the face is unrecognizable.But don't worry the police is going to conduct a DNA to confirm this body is it Yang.If it's really Yang,I ....."

I could hear sobbing at the other end. "Han Chen-ge,it's ok.They still haven't confirm whether is that Yang or not.So lets not give up hoping that Yang would come back."

I know that I'm lying to myself.I know there is a high possibility that it's Yang.But who could have possibly done that to him.Why take Yang's life before I could say sorry to him.Why is fate so cruel to me?

After two days,Han Chen-ge told me that the corpse was really Yang's.My heart feels like it has been pierce by thousands of flying daggers.I felt like a part of me was dead.I really couldn't accept the fact that Yang is really gone.My big brother,my best friend and my soulmate.He's really gone.I was the one who caused his death.

Five days later,it was Luo Yang's funeral,I was requested to give a speech for him.My tears were at the brink of my eyes but I pushed them down.I won't cry.Yang definitely doesn't want to see me this sad.

"Hello everyone.I think most of you already know who I am.My name is Elizabeth.I am Yang's best friend.Everyone there is one thing that Yang had been hiding from all of you which is his identity as an idol.I bet most of you all here know Hanz right?That's Yang.I found out about this by accident.Yang told me to keep it a secret because he knows that his parents wouldn't agree for him to become and idol.Yang is someone I really treasure so I help him keep this secret as a support for him.But who knows that fate plays with us.Yang and I had a fight last month when he told me that he will be leaving to Korea to further his studies and training as an idol.I was so angry at him because he broke his promise to graduate together with me in high school and go to university together.I regretted that moment until today when I found out about his death.If that night I didn't fight with him,he wouldn't have left his house.Who knows that he was being kidnapped.If I had listen to his explanation that night.Allt his wouldn't have happened and he wouldn't die.I want to say sorry to Yang's parents.It's all my fault.I know that you guys have told me that you didn't blame me but I couldn't forgive myself.Yang I want to say I'm sorry.I hope that you will forgive me."

A week after Yang's funeral,I still couldn't stop blaming myself.Although Yang's parent came to find me and tell me that it's not my fault,I still think that it's my fault.Now my life feels so empty.At some point I feel like dying.I feel like I have lost all my hope to live on.