bonus chapter: in which he knocks her up

"But all of your flaws and scars are mine"—Ellie Goulding

∞

JAKE

Three Years or so Before the Ford-Fenton Wedding

∞

"So," I began, sitting on the edge of the bed to watch her get dressed, "about that wedding thing."

"What about it?" she asked, bending down slightly to slip her feet into heels.

Fucκ, her legs were so long. Endless miles of smooth caramel skin.

They needed to be wrapped around my head tonight.

"Jake?"

Maya was staring at me, eyes full of laughter. In the soft light of the bedroom, with her brown curls framing her gorgeous face like a fucκing halo, she looked like she could be Mrs. Ford, little black dress and all.

"You don't wanna walk down the aisle with me?" I said, standing to my feet and advancing towards her.

"I do," she replied, her painted red lips lifting into a smile.

"Say that again when we're in a church," I told her, putting my hands on her waist and pulling her closer. "Say that again when I ask you if you want me to suck your сlit tonight."

My mouth was on one side of her neck, and she made a strangled noise in her throat...as she pushed me away.

"Jake, no," she said firmly, but she was breathing hard, as turned the fucκ on as I was. "I made this reservation a week ago, and we're going."

"I'd rather be coming," I muttered to myself.

Maya laughed, reaching out to straighten my tie. "You need to behave."

I held my hands up in surrender. "Fine. But no promises."

"I know, Jake," she said, turning back to the mirror and putting her hoop earrings in. "I know."

***

Nonna's was a nice little Italian restaurant that I hated coming to because it reminded me of my parents, but tonight, I was with the most beautiful woman in the entire fucκing galaxy, so I'd survive.

We were seated by the panoramic window, a candlelight in between us, and when I asked for a beer, the waiter−a thin, ageing man I could've knocked out with my thumb−looked at me like I was scum.

"And for you, madam?" he said to Maya.

"Just water, please," she told him.

"What, no wine tonight?" I asked, my voice teasing.

"Nope. Not tonight."

"Everything okay, babe?" I asked once the waiter had disappeared.

"Yeah. Everything's fine." She paused, her gaze somewhere over my head. "I think it's just that my first laser treatment is next week, and I'm scared."

I felt my heart stutter. "I'll be there, babe. I'll be with you. For every fucκing thing."

"I know," she said, a small smile on her face.

"Do you?" I asked her, because she needed to know for sure. She needed to know that I was hers, and she was mine, and there was nothing that would ever change that.

I wanted to deserve her, and I wanted her to feel like she wasn't settling. I wanted to make new, good memories to erase the shitty ones. The ones that I had been the cause of. I wanted to be the best thing in her life, the man she loved because she couldn't live without him. Because he owned her heart, and she owned his.

I wanted her to be Mrs. fucκing Ford.

"I love you, Maya," I told her, for what was probably the millionth time that day.

The smile she gave me was wide. "Freaking same."

"Freaking?" My brows knitted together, but my chest was hurting. Those words never got old. "I guess that's better than fudge."

"Mm, fudge." Maya's face lit up, and I couldn't stop my mouth curving into a smile in response. Any minute now, she'd be clapping her hands together. "Remind me to order some for dessert."

"You gonna share?"

"Not a chance, Ripper."

"That's okay, sweetness," I murmured. "I know what I'm having."

I couldn't get enough of her blushing, when she realized that what I was gonna fucκing devour was currently wrapped up nicely in black lacy boy shorts. I had a pretty good feeling I'd be seeing Lisa from Lingerie Palace to replace them.

"Okay, I didn't want to do the whole cheesy here's-a-tiny-shoe-in-a-box thing, but I found this jacket at the store, and I couldn't resist," she was babbling, bending to dig through her handbag for something.

I was so goddamn lost.

"Here," she said to me, pushing a box at me. "Open it."

So I did.

Wary for no clear reason, I lifted a little black leather jacket out of the box and held it up in front of me. "Babe, this is a couple hundred sizes too small."

"Read the back," Maya demanded, looking at me apprehensively.

I turned it around. Ride or Cry was embroidered across the back of the jacket in white block letters, a little dummy beneath the words.

And still, I was confused as hell.

"Jake, I'm pregnant."

The jacket fell out of my slippery hands. "Are you sure?"

Maya frowned at me. "Of course I'm sure. I even went to see the doctor yesterday just to be doubly sure."

"Yesterday," I muttered. "You've known since yesterday."

"I wanted to tell you tonight," she explained, her eyes hardening. "Is that all you have to say?"

Pregnant. Baby. Father. Me.

"I think... Fucκ... I need to go," I choked out, standing abruptly. There was a faint thump behind me as my chair fell to the ground. "Just...hold on a sec."

"Hold on a sec?" Maya repeated loudly, sounding pissed, but I tore my way past the other tables, ignoring everyone's stares.

Outside, I sucked in air, trying to rip my tie off. Why the fuck had I worn a tie? The goddamn thing was like a snake around my throat. Shit. I was gonna strangle myself. Right here, out on the street in front of the restaurant that my pregnant girlfriend was sitting inside.

Pregnant girlfriend.

"Fords don't shoot blanks," I mumbled, finally managing to undo the snake around my neck. I flung it to the ground. "I'm gonna be a father. Me. Fucκ."

How many kids will we have?

As many as you want.

Fucκing bullshit, because here I was, having a damn panic attack like a claustrophobic kid in an elevator.

"Congrats, man," someone said from...below me?

I looked down, finding a man sitting on the pavement, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and his lips wrapped around what smelled like a blunt.

"Thanks," I muttered grudgingly.

"You don't sound too happy," the man, who was probably homeless, pointed out. "Penny for your thoughts? Seriously. Got any spare change?"

I dug into my pockets and flipped out my wallet. "You gonna buy more weed?"

"Probably."

I squinted at him. He couldn't have been more than forty. "Fucκ it. Here." I handed him a couple bills, probably because my brain was still fuzzy.

Pregnant. She's having my baby.

"Thanks, man. You know, babies are a gift from the Big Guy. You gotta appreciate them. Not everyone gets that chance."

I ran a hand through my hair. I'd combed it earlier. Made myself look good. For her. For Maya. "I talked a big game. I talked a fucking huge game, but I don't know if I can do this. Be a dad," I muttered, starting the whole process of freaking the hell out again. "I mean, the kid could end up dyslexic, like me. I looked it up, years ago. Turned out, my old man's father had flunked out of school for being stupid. Told myself I'd never have a kid if it meant they'd go through the hell I went through; the hell my grandfather probably went through. Fuсk."

"Man the fuсk up, bro," the homeless man sneered, glaring up at me. "The only thing that matters is giving your kid love and being there for him or her. That's it. Think you can do that?"

Was there even any question? This kid would be half of Maya and half of me. This kid would have everything he or she wanted. I would do anything for him or for her. This kid would be so damn loved.

I was such an idiot.

Tearing back into the restaurant like a whirlwind brought on more stares, but I didn't give a shit. My world was currently sitting at a table, digging a spoon into the dessert she'd obviously ordered because I was being such an ass to her.

"Babe," I said, getting to my knees beside her chair. More stares, more whispers, more fuсks not being given by yours truly.

"What?" she mumbled, her eyes red with tears.

I wasn't an idiot. I was a ѕhit stain. "I'm an ass."

"No. You're a liar," she informed me, her voice shaking. "All that ѕhit you said about wanting a whole bunch of kids with me? Lies. Well, guess what, Jacob Ford. We're having a baby, and it happened because your sperm and my egg−"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Nurse Maya," I had to cut in. "Let's skip the biology lesson and move on to the part where I say I panicked a little because I was scared that...that this kid would inherit everything that's wrong with me. Let's skip to the part where I tell you I love you and I'm gonna love this baby, too, and every baby after it−'cause let's face it, sweetness, there will be more−Let's skip to the part where we ditch this place and go home, because I want my dessert now."

She stared at me for the longest time, so long that I was afraid that I'd screwed things up beyond repair and she was about to tell me where to get off, but she reached out with one delicate hand and cupped my chin. "There's nothing wrong with you, Jake," she said softly, the words washing over me like warm water. "This baby will have the most loving father ever because this baby will have you."

I closed my eyes, letting her words sink in. "I don't want my kid to go through what I went through."

"Oh, Jake," she said, frustrated, and she got down on her knees, too, pulling me into a hug like it was the most normal thing to do in a crowded restaurant on a Friday night. "I love you so much."

I drew back slightly, until our faces were inches apart, and then I pressed the softest kiss on to her soft lips. The taste of the fudge she'd just been eating was on my tongue, and the scent she was wearing drove me crazy. This soft, innocent kiss became something more, a furious declaration of my love for her, of her love for me. It was obscene, to be fucκing her mouth with mine, to be on my knees with her pressed against my front, against my growing erection, but the only thing I could think of was how lucky I was.

This kid was going to have me, his mother, and an entire army of Phantoms behind him or her. This kid was gonna be a Ford.