thirty-six: in which THEY lose their crap

"And then I found out how hard it is to really change – even hell can get comfy once you've settled in" –Bring Me the Horizon, Hospital for Souls

********************************

Maya

"I'm gonna fuсk your mouth and you're gonna love it."

"I'll bite your dick off, I promise. I'll chew on it until it's minced meat and make a hamburger patty out of it. Then I'll garnish it, and put it in a hamburger bun and call it an Unhappy Meal. That is what is going to happen if you put your flaccid penis anywhere near me."

Ewan arched a brow. "I was just kidding, you crazy bitch."

"Yeah? Well, I wasn't."

We eyed each other for a second, at a strange stalemate of sorts, before he was tugging me by the arm again and leading me out of the dining room to take me downstairs.

It felt like there was a hummingbird trapped in a cage of ribs, instead of my heart beating a mile a minute in my chest. I was sweating profusely, and the ill-fitting cotton dress I was wearing was sticking to my skin, but that was the least of my problems.

I was about to die.

I hadn't eaten much of the food on the table. Roisin had told me to eat – and I'd picked at my toast. My throat was in a permanent state of parchedness, and I'd kept refilling my glass of juice while trying to ignore the fact that I was dining with two very unstable people.

James McNally had continued reading the paper until he'd reached the sports page, and then he gave his undivided attention to his food. I was promptly ignored. Forgotten.

Until he'd gruffly commanded Ewan to take me back down to the basement.

Ewan had appeared out of nowhere and hissed into my ear how I was going to perform fellatio on him without my consent. And now we were returning to Sebastian.

This time, I was mentally prepared for what he looked like – which was death warmed over.

He was sitting with his back against the wall; dirty, broken and pathetic.

Ewan threw me in with him, and I stumbled, managing to catch my footing and make my way to Sebastian's corner. His eyes lit up when he saw me.

"I thought they'd killed you, Maya," he said softly while I fell to a heap in front of him.

"Seb, give me your hand. Let me see." Without waiting for him to do it, I gently took his right hand in mine. "It looks broken." My eyes flicked up to meet his. "They gave you something for the pain, didn't they?"

He nodded slowly. "Some shot. Knocked me out cold. It was a couple days ago. I don't feel it anymore...like when it happened." He took his hand back, cradling it in his lap.

There were so many things I wanted to say about this, mostly about how he had to have his wrist looked at. And about how that clearly wasn't going to happen.

"They obviously have plans for you if they're doing this," I told him, to which he snorted.

"This is all a game before they kill me." He paused, his brow furrowed. "What about you? Your head."

I touched a finger to my scalp. From what I could tell, my wound was superficial and wouldn't require medical attention. The patch of dried blood was on my right side and my hair was tangled together there. A little knock on my head was nothing compared to what Sebastian had been through.

"I'll be okay. It's you I'm worried about."

He shook his head quickly. "Don't worry about me. Did you see the women? Portia and Tamara? In the other cells?"

I scrunched up my face, trying to recall if I'd seen people in the cells I'd passed on my way up or down. "No."

Sebastian huffed out a breath, staring at his lap. "Ewan told me that they're the...entertainment. I've been listening to their screams for days now." He looked up at me. "I never thought I'd wish for death, you know?"

"We're going to get out of here," I said, but even I was beginning to call B.S. on this. "Those other women, too."

"Can I ask you something, Maya?" He was enunciating his words slowly, as if it was a struggle to choose them, and I noticed how dilated his pupils were.

"Did they give you something, Seb?" I snapped my fingers in his face. "While I was upstairs, did they give you something?"

"Why didn't you ever take my money? Ever? Why didn't you let me take care of you for real?" He was slurring the words, his mouth twisting into a loopy smile.

"Seb---"

"But you take his money. Jacob's. Is his money different to my money?"

"You've been drugged, Sebastian."

"Does he have a promise ring, too?" He wiggled his fingers at me, laughing softly.

I didn't answer him. Instead, I got to my feet and went to the bars, slamming my hands against them. "What did you give him?" I yelled, but of course, no one answered.

I banged my palm against the iron one last time before giving up and pressing my forehead against them, breathing heavily.

Silence fell – until I heard footsteps coming and I raised my head, stepping away from the bars.

"Do you know this man?" Roisin's voice rang out, and I prepared myself for the sight of her face.

But it was Sticks' very banged-up face that met my eyes first. His hands were tied and Roisin shoved him to his knees before the iron bars.

"I'm talking to you!" she shouted, eyes full of menace. "Do you know him?"

Sticks' wide blue eyes locked with mine as I said a very firm, "No."

"Sure?"

"I'm positive," I told her. "I've never seen him before."

"Oh, but he was at your little whorehouse – sorry, clubhouse – and he fought for your little gang and everything," Roisin said sweetly, digging her knee into Sticks' back so that he keeled forward. "Are you sure you don't know him?"

"I said, I'm sure."

Roisin came closer. "Then I guess you won't mind if I test out my new switchblade," she murmured.

It took me a while to understand what she was saying but by then, she pulled Sticks upright by his hair, forcing him to look at me.

"Roisin, don't! Roisin, please!" I screamed, realizing.

The switchblade glimmered in the light from the overhanging light bulb as she expertly weaved it between her fingers.

"If Hades is even half as ugly as you are," Sticks managed to get out, his eyes focused on Roisin, "I finally understand why he's underground."

"Roisin, just take me. Hurt me," I pleaded, pulling at the bars in vain. "I'm begging!"

"It's okay, Maya," Sticks said softly, looking at me. "And don't worry – I made sure the flower was okay, too."

The flower?

Daisy.

"I am so sorry, Keegan," I whispered, and when he smiled, I felt my heart clench.

Because he was so handsome and he never even knew it.

Roisin dragged the knife across his throat, deep and fast, and let Sticks go.

That was at the exact moment I let go, too, and screamed every profanity Jacob fuсking Ford had ever taught me.

*~*~*

Jake

"You fuсking idiot," I snarled, wrapping a hand around the scrawny kid's neck, shoving him against the wall of the empty warehouse we were in. "We rode eight miles out for fuсking nothing? You'd better have an explanation to stop me from ripping you to shreds."

The boy was wild-eyed, grappling at my fingers, trying to get me to loosen the chokehold I had on him. I didn't let up, my anger making me oblivious to the fact that his sharp nails were drawing blood.

"Ease up, brother," Ghost's voice came from behind me. "Kid's gonna die if you don't watch it."

My head jerked to the side. "He claimed he'd seen some of McNally's men out here. We get here, and there's nothing," I said, my voice quiet. I turned back to the kid I was about to kill. "I smell a rat, and I'm not too particularly fond of those little fuсkers."

"Gotta be an explanation for this." That was Sin, and his loud voice bounced off the concrete walls. "Ease up, Ripper."

Taking a deep breath, I let the bony kid go, and he instantly doubled over, sucking in audible breaths of air. His name was Jimmy Hernandez, aged twenty-two, and he had two older sisters who worked at the same diner. He'd wanted to be a biker since the day his father had ridden away on one and never came back. I knew all this shit because it was part of my job to investigate anyone who wanted to join and I took that seriously.

Since the Phantoms were the closest MC to home, Jimmy was desperate to be initiated.

Playing scout for us was a privilege. His shit intel was an insult.

"You have one second to start talking, kid," I muttered, because we'd pulled almost all our brothers out for this run – and it was all for nothing.

"I thought... No, they were here. This...th-this was the place," he stuttered, eyeing me warily.

"You know what? We shouldn't have come here based on an inexperienced kid's info," Beast growled. "Kinda fuсking stupid, don't'cha think?"

"Can it, Beast. You didn't say shit when we discussed this," said King, a raven-haired former soldier I'd known since kindergarten.

"Yeah?" Beast countered, putting his face in King's. "That's because the Prez dragged me out of bed. Prez says jump, I put on my good shoes."

"Will you two shitheads shut up for a sec?" Ghost's voice was an eerie calm that signaled that he was a very pissed off President. He came to stand beside me in front of the Candidate. "Jimmy, kid – see, you're sweating up a flood. Lookin' all shifty-eyed and shit. Mind telling us the God's-honest truth for one minute before I beat it outta you?"

I felt that familiar itching in my fingers – the blood rushing to my fingertips, fast and hard – that let me know that I was overdue for a round of punching the horseshit out of somebody. I felt it, but forced myself to crush it.

Silver Eyes – I thought of her... Of how I'd just left her naked and royally fuсked and how she fuсking loved me.

Peace... Yeah, that shit settled over me.

"Jimmy, you know who I am, right?" I said after a moment of silence passed, and all the kid was doing, was looking from me to Ghost ad back again, breathing loudly.

Jimmy looked at me like this was a trick question. "R-R-Ripper," he answered.

"Good. So you know I'm not averse to ripping your lying tongue out your throat, right?"

Jimmy fell back against the wall, tears actually swimming in his eyes. "They have Portia and Tammy, okay? They have them and they said...said they wouldn't be harmed if I got everybody –members only – outta the compound today." His pale green eyes were wide, beseeching us. "Today, they said. It had to be today."

"Portia and Tammy?" That was Beast.

"His sisters," Ghost and I said at the same time.

"And 'they' would be...?" That was Judge, another brother I'd known my entire life.

"Those Irish fuсks," I managed to get through my clenched teeth.

"You could've come to us with that shit," Ghost was saying.

We were wasting precious time but I couldn't let it go. Even knowing what it would mean to the little progress I was making – I couldn't let it go.

"I'm sorry," Jimmy cried out, blubbering like a bitch now.

It would be the last thing he'd say.

Ghost stepped back, knowing that I had to do this. It had to be done. But quickly.

Betrayal was a bitter taste in my mouth and Jimmy was going to taste the remnants of it. He cowered away from me, trembling like a fuсking leaf. I saw nothing, felt nothing, but the second I did, my hands were around his neck, pressing against the frantic pulse in his throat. He wasn't fuсking dying. I could smell the stench of piss in the air, saw the growing stain in the front of his faded jeans. Without over-thinking it, I slammed the back of his head into the wall.

Again and again, his skull cracked against the concrete, until eventually, his eyes went dead and his traitorous body hung limp in my hands. I let him fall to the ground, wiping the blood off my face with the back of my hand.

Stray dogs would find him.

Most of the men had already started rolling out on their bikes, but even as I got onto mine, I knew it was too late. We were half an hour away with no traffic and every minute longer I sat on my bike was another minute away from Maya.

Hey, God, I know you're probably not my biggest fan, but this is Maya. This is Maya.

The words were on repeat in my head as I navigated through traffic, and then I started cursing the ground McNally walked on. But this was my fuсking fault. I brought this shit home. If anything happened to my woman...

This is Maya... This is Maya...

By the time I pulled up at the gates, I'd prayed in Hebrew, English and hell, even Italian. Prayed that my sins wouldn't be visited upon her. Because I would die and go straight to hell if that happened.

Already, I could tell everything was wrong. The gates were wide open and not a single guard was posted there. I rode up the driveway, taking the lead, and practically leapt off my bike. I'd stuck my gun into the waistband of my jeans and the moment my boots touched the ground, I was taking it out and removing the safety.

There was no point in getting the element of surprise – the roars of our bikes had made that impossible – so I went in on the offensive. The front door had been kicked in and silence was the loudest sound.

Bullet holes dotted the dry wall and bodies – mostly club bitches, from what I could see – were strewn around the living room. The blood was abundant, like the fuсkers had gutted the women with knives first before ending their misery with a bullet to the head.

Maya wasn't lying dead there but relief wasn't what I felt. Glenna was Beast's woman and she was dead, her empty brown eyes staring up at me from where her body lay on the floor. Blood had matted her thick brown hair to her skull and I knew that Beast couldn't see her like this. Despite how fucked-up he was, he'd loved her and now, she was gone.

Without thinking too hard about it, I grabbed a patchwork quilt that Daisy – fuсk, Daisy – had made, and threw it over Glenna's body. But it was too late.

I felt Beast come up behind me. The sound he released was filled with pain.

"That Glen?" he asked, but I knew he'd seen. He knew.

"Yeah."

"We gotta search the house first," Beast reminded me, his voice monotonous, "and then we take care of the dead."

I was gonna kill McNally for this. But really? This was all my goddamned fault and just like a lot of shit I'd done, I would carry this forever. Glenna hadn't deserved this. The rest of these women hadn't deserved this. What kind of animals took women out like stray dogs on the street? Fuсk.

I led the way out of the living room, squaring my shoulders, and Beast followed behind. My gun was cocked. I was ready to shoot on sight – kneecaps first, torture after – and not a thing was going to stop me. The sound of blood rushing to my head was in my ears. I made my way to my bedroom, knowing at the back of my mind that Maya wouldn't be there.

And I was right.

The room was trashed, in a way that reminded me of how Maya's place had been turned upside down.

The only difference was that there was dry blood on my pillows.

At first, it didn't register, that I was seeing fuсking blood on my bed; my empty bed.

Because that meant that they'd hurt her. Her. Made her bleed. Her.

I lost my shit.

I finished what they'd started, tearing the room apart from top to bottom. It didn't take long. When I was done, panting heavily in a warzone, I noticed the writing on the wall above where the armchair used to be. It was red and already dry and it didn't take a genius to figure out that it was blood on my wall.

Maya's blood.

When I got emotional, 'b's became 'd's and the other letters wouldn't fuсking sit still, so I breathed deeply, closed my eyes and when I opened them again, concentrated pretty goddamned hard.

EXODUS 21:24

AN EYE FOR AN EYE

I tore through the rest of the house, ready to end anyone or anything associated with McNally that I came across. But there was no one else. Bodies of the young men eager to become Phantoms were piled up along the way. In essence, they'd been defenseless, like babies in traffic, and their deaths were on me.

All of this was on me.

"Daisy!" I heard Ghost call from upstairs. "Daisy?"

I banged a fist into the dry wall, making a hole. Something like a low growl started up in my stomach and left my mouth. It hurt. Not my hand – my chest. It fuсking hurt like hell.

You were supposed to protect her. You were supposed to keep her safe, you dumb fuсk-up.

"Rip?" Sin's low voice reached my ears.

"I'm gonna skin them all," I promised, turning to look him in the eye. "Every last one of them."

"I know you are. And I'll be right beside you."

"There're a couple club bitches that hid downstairs." Mountain appeared, followed by a trail of wide-eyed women. "Scared as shit but at least they're alive."

Daisy was one of them. She threw herself into my arms, sobbing loudly. "Keegan. They took Keegan. And Maya. And some others. He saved me, Jake!"

I stood there, standing so still that Daisy raised her head in confusion. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about Maya," she whispered.

"Is my brother –"

I didn't get to finish my question because Liz, one of the women, cut in. "Baron and Bree – they went to see the doctor after breakfast because Bree thinks she's pregnant. They were lucky. Really lucky," she said sadly, looking around at the carnage.

Gently, I disentangled Daisy from me just as Ghost came down the hallway, his eyes scanning the small group of women for his sister.

"Daisy!" He breathed an audible sigh of relief once he saw her, and she ran into his open arms, crying all over again.

I turned away from them. I couldn't look. I couldn't look because it hurt too much to know that, in all probability, James McNally had killed my girlfriend like he'd promised he would.

*********************

A/N: Kind of sad to be saying goodbye to Sticks (RIP) AND I'M SO SORRY FOR ANY DAISY-KEEGZ SHIPPERS.