seventeen: in which she saves face

"Have to touch myself to pretend you're there" -Lana Del Rey, Burning Desire

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"Why are men so complicated?" I huffed, sliding into my seat across from Luke in The Coffee Maker. I set my bag down beside me and gratefully took a long swig of the black coffee Luke had already ordered for me.

He raised a quizzical brow, scratching the day-old stubble on his chin. "I think you're confused, M. Women are the complex creatures. Where's this coming from?"

"I just had an early-morning fight with Jake," I mumbled, still seething.

Luke's apathetic posture changed. He leaned forward, frowning. "Did he lay his hands on you, Maya?"

"God, no. Jake would never hit me. Well, only if I asked him to, but I don't think I'm into that." I flushed, remembering a moment too late where I was and who I was talking to.

"Let me guess: You're sleeping with him." Luke's glower deepened when his deduction was met with a telling silence. "Goddammit, Maya. The guy's a lunatic, an ex-con. It's bad enough that you're under the same roof as him!" He stiffened, as if a thought had just occurred to him. "Is he making you pay him back with sex? Sex for shelter? Is that it?"

I shook my head quickly. "Of course, not. Look, it was bound to happen between us. I'll admit that," I said adamantly, and I realized that this was actually the first time I'd ever acknowledged this fact. And it was a fact - Jake and I were always going to end up in bed with each other because... Well, I didn't know the why yet. "But I'm not ready for a relationship and I doubt Jake even knows what that is. It's just fun and despite our history, he's good to me. You have nothing to worry about."

Luke let out a long-suffering sigh. "When I asked you to breakfast, I didn't expect a damn bombshell."

If he thinks this is news, he definitely doesn't want to know about Sebastian...

I took a subtle peek outside one window of the café and found that Beefy Biker was out on the pavement, tapping away at his phone.

"So what was your fight about?" Luke went on, pushing his plate of chocolate-chip muffins in my direction.

I had been waiting for him to ask, so without preamble, I started telling him how it had started. About how Jake had point-blank told me there was no way I was moving out until he said so. This had been over the breakfast he'd made. I'd woken up to a beautiful clear Sunday morning and he'd ruined it by being the pig-headed brute I was beginning to forget he really was.

"I'm not moving out?" I'd managed to sputter, unable to believe that he'd say such a thing to me, that he'd dictate to me.

"No. It's not safe," he'd replied calmly. This morning, he'd been in boxers. I couldn't even find them distracting I was so annoyed.

"It'll be safe soon. Believe me," I murmured, because I'd finally figured out what "meet me at the binary code" meant.

"What?"

"I said, who do you think you are?"

At that, he'd smiled. "I'm the guy that makes you come so hard, you pass out."

"For the last time, Jacob, I was exhausted," I'd griped, feeling my face heat up. "Next time you want my legs in the air for so long, give me a heads up so I can eat a couple energy bars in advance."

"Do I really have to listen to this part?" Luke spoke up, interrupting my narration with a look of abject horror.

"But I'm getting to the part that made me so mad," I explained.

"I thought you got mad at him for telling you what to do. Typical Maya," he added with a half-smile.

"Well, partially." I let out a breath, deciding to cut my story short. Luke did not need to hear more sexual innuendo from me. "I found out that he roughed up one of Sebastian's colleagues." Receiving that phone call had been fun. Not.

"Why the hell would he do that, Maya? Do you see how crazy this guy is?" Luke exclaimed, making me realize that I'd said more than I'd intended to.

I couldn't tell Luke why Jake had beaten Max Stevenson up because that would mean I'd have to spill the truth about Sebastian; that I'd have to explain how Max even tied into this story.

"Can I ask you a question, Luke?" I said, desperately wanting to change the subject. "Do you think it's weird that I'm...with a guy my cousin used to date?"

"You're with him now?"

I pulled a face. "You know what I mean. We're hooking up."

"Are you hooking up with other guys? Going on blind dates? Looking for another man?"

"Absolutely not. I just got out of a relationship."

"News flash, Maya. Monogamy equals a relationship," Luke informed me, downing the rest of his coffee. "Jesus, you're a babe in the woods."

I shot him a glare. "Just because we don't want to infect each other with all kinds of fun diseases, does not mean we're in a relationship. It's called being health conscious." I paused. "I know you've been frequenting Velocity alone, picking up random women, and I'm not judging but...I worry about you."

His gaze shifted away from me and out the window. "I'm good, M."

"No, you're not. Are you still stuck on Claire?" My voice was soft.

Luke shook his head almost imperceptibly. "She's in the past."

I knew that he wasn't being honest. It couldn't have been easy facing his ex's father every day at school and Claire had been his first serious girlfriend. But I kept quiet and we talked about more trivial things. Just being with Luke for two hours was enough to brighten my entire day. He promised to check up on me the next day and I promised I'd be good.

I ended up picking up some flowers and driving to the cemetery and by the time I got back to Jake's place, it was almost lunchtime. His bike and truck were in the driveway and I dragged my feet going inside. I'd stormed out of the house that morning and called him all kinds of colorful names in the spur of the moment. I was pretty sure the neighbors had heard.

"Jacob?" I called, standing at the foot of the stairs.

I could smell something coming from the kitchen but there was no noise. Deciding to go upstairs first, I made my way to my room and changed out of my jeans and back into my tank top and sweats. I stood in front of the mirror and re-braided my hair. Then I took a deep breath and went to Jake's door.

It felt like déjà vu, knocking on that door and calling his name. I just didn't know what I'd do if he wasn't alone. Probably punch him in the face then go to the nearest clinic to get tested.

"Jake? We need to talk so I'm coming in."

I pushed the door open and went in. He was lying on his bed, earphones stuck in his ears and eyes closed. The mystery of his silence was solved. I stood there for a moment, admiring his large body spread out on the bed. I was mad at him but my body still wanted him. Clearly I was human.

I approached the bed, clearing my throat before I remembered he couldn't hear me.

"J---"

"Babe," he cut in, eyes still closed, "you still pissed?"

"Could you hear me this whole time?" I folded my arms across my chest and he paused whatever he was listening to on his iPad and sat up.

"Nah. Just knew."

"Do you know why I'm so mad, Jacob?" I stared down at him.

"Why are you so mad, Maya?" His jaw was clenched as he swung his legs over the bed.

"Because Max told me that he was going to the cops and setting his lawyer on you," I said through gritted teeth. "I had to convince him that Sebastian owed you money and that you were crazy enough to kill a snitch. Wasn't that hard to believe. Needless to say, his face will heal in silence."

"Don't fight my fuçking battles," he grunted, getting to his feet and standing before me so that he was staring me down. "You're not my woman."

"Thank the good Lord Almighty I'm not," I bit out, pounding a fist against his chest. "You're so damn stupid, Jacob. If you want to get locked up again, by all means, go right ahead. I just won't be here to watch."

His lips curved into a Machiavellian smile. "Oh, something tells me you'll be here, sweetheart. You can't stay away from me and you sure as fuçk can't stay away from my dīck."

"You're such a tool, Jacob Ford." I hit him on the chest again but this time, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me against him, his other hand snaking around the back of my neck.

"Then use me, babe."

His face was already inches away from mine, evident desire sparking in his hazel eyes. I tried to twist my face away from his and ended up inhaling a lungful of his interesting scent. My entire body reacted involuntarily and I made a breathy sound that sounded suspiciously like a moan. He smelled like he'd showered in pheromones and I could do nothing but react.

"I don't like you right now," I protested weakly, angling my face so that I could look at him.

"Don't fuçking lie to me," he said, brushing his lips against mine. "Just don't."

My eyes were closed when my resolve completely weakened and I leaned into the kiss, my arms around his waist. He smiled against my lips before my lips parted and his tongue plunged into my mouth. He groaned, his hands pulling at the hem of my top. Briefly, we broke apart, going for each other's tops. My hands coasted down the smooth skin of his chest, stalling at the waistband of his jeans. A vein pulsed in his neck and he snaked a hand behind me to unclasp my bra. The bra straps slid down my arms and I whipped it off, feeling how hard my nipples were. I wanted him; I wanted him so badly.

"You are the most fuçking beautiful thing I've ever seen," Jake said, his voice raspy. He backed away from me, sitting on the edge of the bed before laying back down and propping himself up on his elbows. "Take your pants off and sit on my face."

My brain was fuzzy because I couldn't have heard him right. I hugged myself, covering my breasts. "What?"

"Sit on my face. I need to eat your pùssy."

I sucked in air, squeezing my eyes shut. Dear Lord. Jake was...charring me with his words. Eyes still closed, I dragged my sweatpants down my hips and stepped out of them, standing in my thong. When I made a move to pull it down, Jake's husky voice said, "Don't drop your panties. That's my job."

"Okay," I whispered, leaving them on.

Without thinking about it, I approached the bed, keeping my eyes locked with Jake's. They were dark and dangerous, his eyes. I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper into them with every step I took, until I crawled over his body, straddling him. Cupping his face, I lowered my mouth to his. This kiss was slow and over before I wanted it to be.

Jake's hands were on my waist, his fingers yanking at the thin lace circling my thighs. He pulled. I whimpered. My thong was decimated.

"Sit. On. My. Face," he demanded, hands gripping my backside. "Now."

My breath was coming out in short gasps as I gingerly scooted upwards. Satisfied, Jake's head fell back and I was eventually high enough that I could grasp the wooden headboard for support. Thighs on either side of Jake's face, I could only hope that I didn't suffocate the man. How would I explain that to the coroner?

But when Jake grasped my thighs and pulled my center down onto his mouth, all thoughts of his personal safety evaporated as quickly as they'd come. His mouth instantly suctioned my clit, sending electricity crackling up my spine and making my toes curl.

"Jake," I cried, gazing down at his face between my legs. "Oh, God."

The muffled, "Babe," he uttered was torture against my flesh. He held my pùssy open with his fingers, spearing his tongue inside me and licking me out. The thrusting of his tongue was almost as powerful as the thrusting of his coçk, and I found myself grinding myself against him, driving him deeper and deeper into my wet center. I realized that I was riding him - no, riding his face - and that thought alone made me wet. Made me cry his name again and again.

My hands gripped the headboard so tight I felt I could break it and I threw my head back, eyes rolling back as I lost focus of the ceiling. Pleasure clawed at my skin, making it unbearable to withstand. I wanted to scream that it was enough, that he was going to kill me with his tongue, with his fingers, with his teeth... The sucking, the fingering, the licking - it became too much. Every muscle in my body tightened as I erupted into Jake's mouth. Bliss swept across me, salving the burn his bristly jaw had caused. Jake was groaning, licking me through the aftershocks of my orgåsm.

When I felt a semblance of normal, he flipped me over, pulling me down the bed and pressing his denim-encased erection against my soaking, sensitive flesh. He stripped out of his jeans and sheathed his dick so fast he was almost blurry. I made a sound of pleasure-pain when he pounded into me. I felt the anger of our argument, the desire he felt for me. I felt the desperate need for this, for this release. I felt it all with every deep, violent thrust.

He cursed. I cursed. He grunted. I moaned. He rasped my name; I cried his.

We were sweaty, sticking to each other like glue, and our harsh breaths melded as one when he pressed his mouth against mine. I came first, legs wrapped tight around Jake and back arching ridiculously. I was limp as Jake chased his own release, his thrusts becoming shorter and shorter before he finally came with a roar that rang in my ears.

For one wild moment, I struggled to breathe. When it was clear that we were finished, I gently pushed at Jake's chest and he rolled off of me, sprawling on his back. He removed the condom and discarded it in the bin at his bedside. The sun streaking through the open windows was suddenly too bright. I closed my eyes for a little while and when I opened them, Jake was on his side, looking at me. His hair was matted to his scalp, his skin was decidedly flushed and his lips were bruised pink.

"What is it?" I could barely formulate the words. My throat actually hurt.

"I'm thinking about making you bounce on my dick," he said casually, "but I'm also thinking I wore you out."

As drained as I was, my body had a mind of its own. The pulsing between my legs started up again and I clenched my thighs together.

"Your stamina amazes me," I croaked, mentally forcing my body to cooperate with my mind. "No bouncing today."

He laughed softly, his fingers grazing my jaw. "You should know that you're the only person that makes me laugh, Maya Fenton." His smile faded. "I was an ass earlier."

I let out a weary sigh. "No more than usual. I'm used to you being an ass." Hesitantly, I reached out and traced his left pec, circling the pierced nipple.

"We good?"

I eyed him, trying to see if he was being for real. "I just came all over your face. We're great."

He smirked, his hand falling from my face and cupping my right breast. I bit my lip, fighting against the sensation when he tweaked my rigid nipple.

"What were you listening to?" I said on an exhale. "When I came in. What were you listening to? You looked...engrossed." His hand dropped. I searched his eyes, confused by what I saw there. "Did I say something wrong, Jake?"

"No," he said shortly. He reached for his iPad and handed it to me. "Listen."

Curious, I put the earphones into my ears, disappointed when the robotic voice of a man talking filled my ears. It was probably an audio tutorial or something else that had to do with World War II and a German soldier called Friedrich. But when I paid attention and heard that the speaker was narrating dialogue, I realized that this was fiction; an audio book.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jake pulling on his jeans. I took the earphones out and focused on him.

"World War Two, huh?" I set the iPad down beside me. "Nice."

He glared at me. "You making fun of me?"

I felt my smile disappear. "Of course, not. Why would I do that?"

"Because I'm a thirty-fuçking-one-year-old guy with the reading skills of a grade-school student," he muttered, "and I like war stories."

"I'm sure that's not true," I said in a quiet voice, sliding myself off the bed in search of my clothes. "And if you must know, war stories are fascinating." I found my top and pulled it on, sans bra, before I yanked my sweats back on. "You're dyslexic, right?"

"I was diagnosed with medium dyslexia when I was fourteen, after years of being told that I was dumb as a belt buckle."He glanced out the window. "I can read, but it's slow and painful and I mostly skip the words that frustrate me. Ella got me into audio books. Fuçking crazy, right? That I can get lost in a book when you think I'm an aggressive, womanizing thug."

"I don't think that," I said quietly. "I think a lot of things about you and those aren't any of them."

"Yeah?"

"I think you're aggressive because you're frustrated. I think you like women because what's not to like about us? And I think you like being known as a thug," I finished with a smile.

He closed the distance between us in a few strides. "Yeah?"

"Yep, and that was a free diagnosis, buddy." I stiffened when he traced his thumb along my bottom lip. "And you're not dumb."

He gave me a wry smile. "I know. I managed to get you into bed, didn't I?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Sex is on your mind 99% of the time, isn't it?"

"Pretty much."

"Well, can you channel that 1% and tell me how you got your nickname?" I drew away from him and sat at the foot of the bed and looked up at him expectantly. "And don't spare any of the details, Ripper. I want to know everything so we can start on a clean page."

"Everything?" He looked like he wanted to eat me. Again.

"Yes. Tell me a story. Your story."

So he did, and when he was done, we went down for lunch. It was impossible to stay mad at a guy who gave explosive head and made me spaghetti Bolognese with a healthy sprinkling of parmesan on top.