eleven: in which she gets a revelation

“This will hurt less if you just submit” –Marianas Trench, Toy Soldier

********************************

When I pulled into my parking space outside my apartment the next morning, I couldn’t help but notice Jake’s familiar bike sitting in an empty spot.

Or the dozen other bikes scattered around it.

I accepted this sight with faint exasperation, knowing without a shadow of doubt that my apartment would be filled with strange bikers. Their reason for being there was unknown to me, but it became clear as day when I exited the elevator on my floor and found my front door hanging on its hinges.

You would think that my neighbors would be even a little shocked – or, at least, curious – by this little fact, but no. I bumped into Mr. Sullivan on his way out for work and he barely glanced my way. Busted doors – mostly for unpaid rent – are a regular occurrence in this building, unfortunately.

As if he could sniff me out like a hound, Jake was at my door before I could get inside. Anger tensed his unshaven jaw and sparked electricity in his brown eyes.

“The hell are you doing here?” he demanded, staring me down as if I were a wayward child who needed to get into line ASAP.

“I live here,” I stated plainly, trying to catch a peek over his shoulder. Movement inside – heavy footsteps and furniture being lugged around was all I could hear.

“No shit. But I didn’t say you could leave my place.”

I let out a loud laugh. I couldn’t help it. He was being ridiculous and he didn’t even know it. “Are we in the 1800s, Jacob? Are you going to tell me that my refusal to sleep another minute on your couch is very unbecoming and unladylike?”

He didn’t respond. No, he stepped aside, gesturing for me to walk into the disaster that was my apartment. Perhaps I should have expected this destruction, just from looking at my battered front door, but I hadn’t.

Everything – every single one of my possessions – was upturned, broken, or unrecognizable.

Jake had gotten Sticks and co. to clean up again, but this time, there was nothing left to clean. Someone had slashed my couches. Why the hell would someone cut up the couches I’d scrimped and saved to buy brand new? Only moments ago, I’d been laughing, and now I wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all.

The living room was completely trashed, as was my kitchen. My refrigerator had been left open, and most of the food had been spilled or flung onto the linoleum floor. I went into my bedroom and found everything in disarray. My bed had been slashed, too, and my entire closet of clothes lay on the carpet. I’d left my laptop on the vanity table and now it was gone.

I will not cry… I will not cry… They’re just things… They’re just things…

I felt someone behind me, and turned quickly. Sticks was there, carrying pieces of wood that had once been part of my furniture.

“What happened?” My voice sounded strangled, as if the words were fighting to be released into the air around us. They hung there, unanswered for a long time.

“Your fucķin’ ex,” he muttered after a while, stooping to grab more wood. “You sure know how to pick ’em, lady.”

Sebastian? I thought, like I had another ex-boyfriend. The thought of Sebastian – Honestly? Really? Seriously? – trashing my apartment because I’d dumped him was so laughable it wasn’t funny. But then, maybe he’d been crazy all along. Maybe his passiveness had always been a cover for the real basket-case that he was. Ghost’s warning rang in my head and I wanted to slap myself with a brick for being so naïve.

“Shut the fucķ up and get back to work,” Jake snapped at Sticks, smacking the younger man on the back of his head. “Run your mouth again and I’ll make you deep-throat a horse.”

Sticks shuddered, as if imagining the animal’s thick girth in his mouth, and returned to the living room. I almost laughed. Almost.

Inhaling deeply, I shuffled into my bathroom and brushed my teeth. I splashed handfuls of icy water against my face in an attempt to rouse myself from this nightmare. Hollow concrete-gray eyes – my mother’s eyes – met my gaze in the mirror. People always complimented the strange combination – gray eyes, mocha-brown skin and hair the color of tar – and truthfully, I never knew what to say to that. But if one more person ever told me how interesting my eyes were, I’d tell them to look deeper and see the pain inside them. Was that what they found so fascinating, so intriguing?

My reflection was becoming blurry. I told myself I was crying because of hormones. I told myself that that time of the month was fast approaching and I could probably cry at the drop of a hat. I was lying to myself.

Hunched over the sink, I cried for the longest time, until Jake’s arms came around me from behind, turning me into his chest. He pressed his lips to the top of my head, and I grabbed a handful of his T-shirt and buried my face into it.

“Why?” I asked, my voice muffled.

“Computer Boy didn’t do this,” said Jake, knowing exactly what I was asking. “It was the people he stole from.”

I pushed away from him. “Stole?”

“Yeah, babe. Stole.” He let out a frustrated breath. “Ghost and I didn’t want you involved in this. You don’t need this kinda shit in your life right now, if ever.”

“Tell me. Tell me everything.” The tears were evaporating now, and in their place was a cold fury that made the fine hairs on my body stand to attention.

In that moment, Jake looked like he’d rather be anywhere in the world but in my bathroom. His brows slashed into a frown. “You sure you wanna taint your pretty boy’s memory?”

“Jacob Ford, don’t ever say something as stupid as that to me,” I said in a quiet voice, and he gave me a wry smile.

“Your boy is a hacker – a pretty fucķing good one at that – and he stole from the people he was stealing for.” Jake’s voice shook with anger. “Which was pretty fucking dumb when you consider he stole from the McNally Brothers.”

My heart stopped. Really, it did. I couldn’t hear or feel it, and for one dangerous second, I thought I would die of heart failure. The McNally Brothers are an urban legend in Sallow County, like gangsters out of the Roaring Twenties era. James and David McNally are identical, beefy fiery-haired men with the stereotypical temperament of redheads and Irishmen. It’s common knowledge that their family had been involved in criminal activity since the 1920s. Thomas McNally had killed his first rival crime lord in my neighborhood, over nine decades ago.

And now Sebastian had screwed over the descendants of that man.

“Maya? Maya, sweetheart, talk to me.” Jake was cupping my face with both hands, his eyes searching mine. “Take a deep breath.”

I couldn’t remember how to do that. It was the strangest thing ever, not remembering how to suck air in and expel it from my lungs. The only thing I did know was that Sebastian Brown was a fucking shithead and if I ever saw him again, I’d be in a documentary about life in a women’s penitentiary after our encounter. But breathing? Nope. No dice.

So Jake kissed me, which was kind of a million times worse because I forgot how to breathe all over again. My mind became foggy when he first kissed the corner of my lips. Such a tentative, sweet little kiss I could’ve imagined it. My eyes were wide, disbelieving; even as he sealed his mouth over mine and kissed me properly. He coaxed my lips apart and slid his tongue inside, turning my brain upside down and rattling it about in my skull. His front was pressed close against mine – oh-so-deliciously close – and I found myself wanting to feel more of him, so I kissed him back, eyes shut so tight I saw little stars behind my lids.

Someone let out a soft moan, and I realized that it was me. Jake was the one that pulled away first.

I was gasping for breath, and God, it felt good to have air filling my lungs again. Jake’s hands tore through his hair, leaving it a disheveled mess. He took two steps away from me, eyes dark and heavy with lust. I wasn’t imagining it, that lust. He was undressing me with his eyes. Tugging Kira’s too-tight top up over my head. Unsnapping the front clasp of my bra. Popping the button of my jeans and yanking them down my legs. Ripping my panties clean off.

“You good now?” Jake wanted to know, watching me from across the room.

“No,” I answered truthfully. “The McNally brothers trashed my apartment and my ex-boyfriend is a genius criminal. Or a dumb one, depending on how you look at it.”

“They don’t do their own dirty work. Definitely got some muscle to do this.”

I stared at him. “Thanks. I feel much better.” Something occurred to me. “Have you called the cops?”

Jake looked at me like I was crazy. “Sure, I’ve called the cops. I’ve also booked us a ride in Santa’s fucking sleigh and I’ve got Prancer on speed dial.”

“OK. Fine. Stupid question,” I muttered. “Do you know where Sebastian is now?”

“Don’t worry about that.” Jake looked thoughtful. “You should pack the important things and come with me. The boys will clean this place up.”

Of course. I couldn’t stay at home. This had probably been a warning; the next time they came, my throat would be next on their to-slash list. Well, the joke was on them: Sebastian and I were no longer together, so they were wasting their time trying to shake me up to get to him.

Without a word, I went into my bedroom to pack.

*~*~*

“I can stay with Kira.”

“You’d be willing to put her in danger?”

I chewed my lip, knowing that I could never risk Kira’s life. “Then Luke. He’d be happy to have me, until I get my place fixed up again.”

Jake’s eyes flashed with anger. “You’re not staying with a man. That’s final.”

“He’s my best friend. We’ve never looked at each other like that!”

“I don’t give a shıt. You’re staying with me because of my reputation. I’ll kill anyone who sets foot on my property without my permission.”

The way he said that, with so much venom and fury… It should’ve disgusted me. Or, at least, scared me. Except that it didn’t. It made me want to do stupid, unpredictable things. Like kiss him again. Run my tongue along his hair-roughened square jaw. Lick every inch of his hard, dangerously sinful body.

There was clearly something wrong with me. I was standing in this man’s living room, discussing where I’d stay now that my ex’s double life had been revealed to me and the people he’d double-crossed knew where I live – and all I could really think about was Jake’s mouth.

“You expect me to stay with you after you admitted that you think of…think of sleeping with me whenever you look at me?” I could feel the blood heating my cheeks a deep red. I’d never have imagined saying these words to Jake.

He glared at me. “I think I can control myself around you, Maya. I know a shıtload about control.”

I wasn’t a conceited woman. Jake’s attraction to me was obviously a fleeting thing. Perhaps it was born out of… Well, I didn’t particularly understand why he’d want me in that way. He’d never once hinted at that, although I was his type simply because I was a female. He wasn’t exactly discerning.

“OK,” I finally conceded. At this point, it would just be plain stupid to refuse his offer. “I’ll stay with you until I can find a new place to live. Thank you.”

“Knew you’d see sense,” he grunted, helping me with the bags I’d packed.

Jake took me upstairs, proceeding to show me to a guest bedroom that shared a wall with the master bedroom. The walls were thin, so I’d no doubt be getting an audio of any of his late-night sexual activity. This was a small price to pay for sanctuary.

The bed was huge and had a black comforter thrown over it and big white pillows pushed against the wooden headboard. There were two long windows directly across the bed, so I’d be getting a perfect view of the sunrise tomorrow, and a white vanity table stood against the wall. It was a beautifully simplistic room, and I briefly wondered who’d decorated.

“It’s perfect. Thank you, Jake,” I said, turning to look at him. “And I promise I won’t stay too long. The minute I find an aff-”

In a flash, his mouth was upon mine, completely shutting me up. “You talk too much,” he murmured, his lips moving against mine.

“You can’t keep kissing me,” I told him, my voice breathless. God, I hated how he was making me feel. It was foreign and it made me giddy and I couldn’t understand why I let it continue.

“Yeah? Tell me to stop, and I’ll stop.” His lips caressed mine with every word that he spoke. “Say it, sweetheart, and I’ll stop.”

“Then stop, Jake. Please.”

He stopped. He took a step backwards and scrubbed a hand down his face. “I’ll be downstairs. Just make yourself at home.”

“Thank you.”

He left, closing the door behind him. I let out a breath, gingerly putting my fingertips to my lips. They felt all tingly and strange.

Stupid woman, I told myself, going into one of my bags and taking out my toiletries. I needed a shower, and then I needed to think long and hard about my plan of action.

I wanted to murder Sebastian. God would forgive me. He’d understand.

I was still reeling from how things had changed so drastically within the span of a few days. I was newly single, homeless, making out with my late cousin’s ex-boyfriend, and my life was in danger, thanks to my ex-boyfriend. The screwed-up thing was that the most screwed-up thing on my list was kissing Jake. My priorities were messed up.

As I stood under the hot spray of water in the shower and washed my hair, I considered phoning Iris to ask if her roommate had moved out yet. I knew she’d been having problems with Jana – I think – and was hoping to get her out at the end of this month. But just imagining someone harming Iris was enough to shut that idea down.

I showered quickly and thoroughly dried my hair after spending five minutes searching for my dryer and straightener. Once I was in my comfy sweats, I spent another five minutes wondering how in the hell I was going to avoid Jacob Ford for an interminable period when we were going to be sleeping under the same roof.

But a small part of me wondered…why not? Why not let him fucķ you and be done with it?

Thanks to Sebastian’s stupidity, I realized that life was too short to die a virgin.