Chapter 18

I took a shower while Liam was out and changed into comfortable clothes. After my shower, I went to the kitchen to help mom prepare our dinner. She looked up when I entered and smiled.

" How's my dear Sophie? Did she eat the porridge?" My mom asked.

" Yeah, she did, mom, and she's okay for now. Her temperature went down, and she went back to sleep right after taking the medicine Liam gave her." I told her while cutting the vegetables. Tonight we'll have roast beef and stir-fried veggies.

" How are you, sweetheart? I know you are struggling to be near Liam again." My mom looked at me with sad concerned eyes.

" I'm okay, mom. It's funny how a person can break your heart, and you can still love them. Nothing hurts more than watching him love another girl." I told her honestly and just let all the hurt come out.

My mom turned off the stove and came to hug me. I cried in her chest and let all the pent up emotions out.

" I am tired, mom. My heart is so tired. It's so tiring to pretend to be okay. To try so hard to smile to stop the tears from falling." I sobbed.

" Sweetheart, maybe it's time to let go and let yourself love another man. Cheer up, my sweet, beautiful girl. One day, you will be in love again, and it will be worth it." She said while combing my hair and rubbing my back.

Then we heard the front door opened so I quickly stepped away from mom and went to the nearest bathroom before Liam could see my eyes.

" Hey, Liam. Dinner is almost ready, hon." I heard mom talked to Liam.

" Oh, okay, aunt Agnes. Do you need help?" He replied.

" No, I'm okay, dear. Bella is actually helping me, but she has to go to the bathroom." Mom said, and continued to cook.

" Oh, okay. I'll go and check on Sophie, real quick, and I'll be back." Liam said and walked away to go and check Sophie's condition. When Bella was sure that the coast is clear, she opened the bathroom door and peeked.

She inhaled deeply when she saw he's not around. She washed her face while she was inside to hide the trace of tears in her face and eyes.

' Come, dear, let's finish this so we can eat and you can rest." My mom said, and I went to work. Just when I finished setting up the table, Lim walked back in. I averted my eyes and pretended to be busy putting the plates and utensils on the table.

" Hey, Bells, are you okay?" Liam asked, peeking down my face. He's probably confused why I'm not looking at him. I don't want him to see my swollen red eyes and see the pain there.

" Yeah, I'm okay, Liam," I said, glancing at him and looked away quickly. He stared at me for a minute, then helped me set up the table. We all sat down and said our grace, then started eating.

Liam and mom were chatting while eating while I stay quiet and looked down at my food. Then I felt my foot being kicked below the table. I was so startled that I looked up with wide eyes at Liam. Then I saw the emotions in his eyes when he saw my swollen eyes.

I looked down abruptly and continued eating. Mom was looking at both of us and smiled secretly. Liam keeps on stealing glances at me, but I dared not look at him again. After our dinner, I volunteered to wash the dishes while mom retired to her room.

Liam went to check on Sophie again, so I was left in my thought while washing the dishes. Then I felt him beside me. He leaned on the countersink and watched me wash the dishes.

" Need any help?" He asked, and I smiled and shook my head.

" Naah, I'm almost done. Why don't you go and rest first? I'll take the first watch tonight and wake you up if she feels hot again." I told him, I am wiping the plates now and put them back in the cabinet.

" Babe, look at me." He said, but I pretended not to hear him. He stopped me from what I am doing and turned me to face him.

" Baby, what's wrong? And don't tell me it's nothing again because obviously, you are not. Your eyes are swollen and red. You have been crying again." He said, looking down at me, but I kept my gaze down and bit my lip hard.

" Liam, I'm fine, really. I am always like this whenever Sophie gets sick, so get used to it." I told him, sighing heavily.

" I can't, Bella, It pains me to see you like this. I told you everything is going to be okay. We are here for you. I am here for you, always. Please believe that and stop worrying too much. You'll put wrinkles on that sweet, beautiful face." He said, smiling and tilted my face. I rolled my eyes and smiled a little.

" There you go. Always smile like that. You look prettier." He whispered and kissed my forehead. He hugged me tight and kissed the top of my head. It feels so wonderful to be in his arms again. I inhaled his fresh scent and hugged him back.

I will treasure every little bit of pieces with him because I know he will never be mine. If only I am what he wanted. I wished I am what he wanted. It is not his fault, actually. He doesn't know how I feel about him. I broke my own heart loving him.

All I want to do right now is cry and scream and let it all out because it's killing me inside knowing I'll never be the one for him. I thought I'm already okay that I have outgrown my love for him. I thought I was. No one knows how much I cried that night I left his room.

That was the night I said goodbye to the love I held for so long. The night I said goodbye to the man who would never see me as a woman. The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are left unsaid and never explained.

Walking away from him was the hardest thing I ever did because I walked away still loving him.  I thought coming back will heal me, but no, it just broke me even more.