Chapter 97 - By Chance

When the night deepened, Luo Nuying and Long Mei fell asleep with their heads propped against each other. 

"I should take her home," Jin Qing said to his friend Nikolai. 

Niko glanced at them both. "Judging by your mood, I would think things aren't going well with her. But her being here also tells me that's not the case. Then what is it?"

Jin Qing stared down at the coffee table in his friend's living room. "A lot is going on in my mind. Things I need to work through. But something that has been bothering me is that I fear Mei will go back to hating me one day," he confessed to his friend in fluid Russian. 

Nikolai released a breathy chuckle. "Do you see the way she sees you, my friend? That girl likes you. Whether she knows it or not, she wants you."

Jin Qing was wallowing in his self-pity. "You don't understand. Long Mei hated me for years. Why would that change?"

"Did you ever think she may have never hated you but hated the fact that she wanted you?"

Jin Qing furrowed his brows. "Why would she hate wanting me?"

"Because you were just like her. Alone in a big family. An outcast. Someone who desperately wanted to fit in. You were a reminder of her reality. A reminder that she did not love the person she was with. You were a hard truth she did not want to face. She may have also been too scared to like you because it could have been too much for her." 

That was how Jin Qing was feeling. He had spent some time avoiding Long Mei, denying his feelings, and it was becoming too much—too intense. 

At first, sleeping next to her was something innocent, but he found himself wanting to do more in the dark. He wants her to heal, feel better, and never lose her smile, but he also wants to possess her and claim her. And what if she did not want that?

He'd respect any of her wishes, but the more his desire for her amplified, the more he feared he'd cross the line. 

"I think we should head out," he told Niko. 

Niko nodded. "I'll take Nuying home." 

Jin Qing then went to wake up Long Mei. She stirred with sleepy eyes before she stretched her arms and jumped on his back for him to carry her in the car. She slept the entire way home until she hit the bed. 

When she opened her eyes, she reached out to him. "What was on your mind today?" she asked, blinking. 

He looked at her solemnly. "Everything." 

"Did something happen?" she looked at him with concern. 

He met her gaze. "Nothing for you to be concerned about. I met with my therapist. I talked about some old wounds that I would like to share with you someday."

Long Mei reached out to caress the side of his face, outlining his jaw. "I would like that." 

Jin Qing smiled before standing to change. Ever since he began sleeping next to her, he kept some of his clothes in her room. When he finished, he turned to realize that Long Mei had removed her clothes and she was in nothing but her underwear. 

"Can you pass me a nightgown?" she asked him sleepily. 

"Uhh…yes," he stuttered. Jin Qing was speechless. He reached for her dresser, selecting a rose-coloured sleeping dress. He passed it to her, barely looking at her as she slipped it on with one fluid motion. 

After she put it on, she pulled one of his arms, tugging his body to bed. 

She then wrapped herself around him. "I'm sleeping like this, okay?"

The pace of his heart quickened. "All right." 

Long Mei nudged against his chest and fell asleep instantly, but Jin Qing could not move. 

Her body fitted against him well with her head snug on the crook of his neck, her legs propped over his waist.

She used to cling to his side, but she was on him fully now, sleeping peacefully.

Jin Qing kept his arms at his sides, his hands to himself. It took everything in his willpower to not move, even as he was tempted to run his fingers through her hair or place his palms on her hips.

God, she was beautiful, and it was torture. He was sure if Long Mei was the same Long Mei from one year ago, she'd want nothing to do with him. And yet, she was in his arms now. She hated him, and the only reason her opinion of him changed was that she had forgotten everything before her accident.

Jin Qing remembered the times he'd taken women home while Long Mei was watching to make her jealous. He desperately wanted her to look at him. He wanted her to see him. He was unsure if it worked. Some part of him hoped it did.

And he realized now he had it all wrong.

He was so jealous that Long Mei was with someone else that he fed into the narrative that instead of making himself look better, he was the bad guy.

All Long Mei needed was someone to reach out—to hold her. She was so deserving of warmth and affection, but he hated himself so much, he was sure she would never look his way and made sure she didn't. 

For a long time, he believed he had no chance.

But he also recalled the time he cornered her, and she touched him and looked as if she ached in desire. He almost didn't believe his eyes and thought he imagined it. 

This was Long Mei. She was supposed to be his sister-in-law. But by chance, she never married his brother, and he never married her sister. And they were together now, like this. 

Jin Qing lifted a hand, wrapping it around Long Mei's waist, breathing in her scent. She shifted, rubbing against him unconsciously.. "I can't," he breathed before flipping Long Mei over gently against the bed, waking her up instantly.