313 Kill Your Younger Self

His hands played with her silky hair, massaging her scalp. His chest vibrated beneath her head. She sighed as his voice soothed her in euphoria. It was past their training hours and past their breakfast timing as well but both didn't leave each other's embrace just yet.

Most would have sympathy after hearing him but she felt familiarity. She felt like he could understand her, vividly she had opened several doors of her heart for him. Though her story didn't resemble him in any way she could tell they had a lot in common than they let on.

They were both survivors of damaged deranged guardians and horrible gory upbringings.

"My mother unknowingly fell in depression and with how distant we were, it wasn't surprising I never noticed Until… until she tried to take her own life." He paused then, as if reliving the memory.

She was jolted from inside after hearing that but no words of consolation left her parted lips. She tightened her arms around him instead, telling him she was there even if she wasn't then.

She would have said she was sorry for him but the fact was she wouldn't want anyone to tell her that and neither would he.

Madam Li wasn't her favorite person but she pitied her after hearing that she was a victim in the perfect sense of the word. In this co-operated peace two most powerful families had pledged, she had paid the most.

They had formed the union to drive out the Lei's from the country and they succeeded in exiling them by joining hands. Although both families were unrestrained in their shows of power too, Lei's were another level of savageness.

For the sake of the Families union, she had slain her dreams when she was barely an adult and the man who was supposed to show her the ends of Vanilla love betrayed and used her.

Being betrayed was one thing but having no out was another. She couldn't comprehend living with a man like that and knowing she could never leave. If it was her, her infidel husband would be reported missing the next day of their wedding!

Feeling her arms tightening around his chest, had him kissing her forehead as he concluded his story, "Housekeeper Yang found her with her wrist slit in her bed. She went to therapy, we mended things. Then my father died. I was shown the ropes of Underworld all my life so they hardly bothered me." His monotone pitch scrapped her heart, it must have hurt to be relieved.

Lei Xinyi knew he had skipped the gore, the bloodshed, and deaths or his conquests, and she couldn't be more grateful. It would really open her up.

This is what she had known all her life but it was too much to behold. But that wasn't the only thing he missed!

In actuality, when she had asked about his past, she had wanted to hear about his past relationships. She was burning in curiosity and something malicious at the thought of them and these thoughts were what occupied her mind all the time.

She waited for him to continue but he stayed quiet, letting his hands wander on her body, one on her ass, caressing it.

Laying here beside him through the story, she had felt his erection more than once and it displaced her to think that he would groan and hiss every once in a while, even have cold showers several times through the night. It was making her self-conscious. 

No, she was not going readily throw herself on him but he looked not interested in her in that way at all! Did he think she was ugly?! She was sure, she wasn't!

She could swear on her life he wasn't a virgin and had been with many women but why wouldn't he want her?! She hadn't stopped him even once, even given hints here and there but still, he would maintain this distance!

It was like he was holding back. Like she wasn't good enough and those women were. Men hardly held back on their desires so what did it mean...

His not having s*x wasn't disturbing but it scalded her heart to think that maybe he was getting it from somewhere else and that's why he didn't want her like that... It agitated and enraged her.

In all his life story not once did he mention a love interest but she was sure there were many... He didn't even talk about his first or how he met and knew that nasty witch Su Qianwei!

She waited for him to continue when he didn't she grew antsy and pulled away from him. Propping up on her elbow she faced him with an accusatory glare, "In this concise tale of yours why is there no past flame?"

He just smirked and tried to pull her back in his arms. But no matter how tempting cuddling was, she wanted an answer. He had asked her to be his fiancé but only ever kissed her.

She had to know about it all before putting her heart on the line. No matter how she would deny it but it bothered her. 

Was he passing his time with her? But then why would he restrain from using her!

Was he toying with her? But he got her the ring and was clearing up her mess!

Was there someone else? But why would he be too nice to her to tell her about his childhood then!

He was messing with her head and it frustrated her so she decided to not beat around the bush any longer.

She huffed and spat, "Fine," She decided she needed to go for the jaguar, "How many women have you slept with?"

Her jealousy was astoundingly sexy. Unlike what she believed her unrest and sexual frustration wasn't that veiled. He could see right through her.

He would give her the world but not what she was demanding. When he made her his, he wanted it to be because she loved him or at least saw him as her prospective husband, not some one-nightstand.

His eyebrows shot up. Just when her smugness was about to spread, he fired, "How many men have you slept with?"

The covetousness was resentful but she had killed them all with her own hands which meant they all didn't mean anything to her. That's why she was called Siren because she killed the men who chased her; at least that's what the rumors said.

In any way, it was kept him from raiding their graves. Good for them, they were dead otherwise he would have done far worse than just killing them.

She glared at him for consistent several minutes before huffing, "Got your point!" She waved her hand off dismissively, "That's a trashy question!"

Why couldn't he assume that she was a virgin whose hymen broke by horse ridding?! 

In spite of what the rumors presented, she hadn't really been this much of a player but when the hooligans did perturbed her peace, what's a girl got to do? Besides they were all criminals and were better dead. 

Craning his diversion aside, she held his both cheeks and shook him to draw his attention, "Li Yuan! You didn't tell me many things! You literally just told me about your diaper days." She accused with a firm pout.

He raised a brow at her description. She groaned and tried to pull away from him at his not-responsive attitude when he pulled her back on the bed to lay. Once she was down, he pulled the comforter securely around her so she wouldn't get up back again. 

He sighed at her inspective nature but it would be insensitive and outright idiotic to talk to your fiancé about your past flings!

"Sweetheart, I told you everything that molded me or mattered, besides all other things were just me trying to divert my misery." He tried to divert her attention but the endearing scowl on her face only deepened.

He cursed under his breath at her stubbornness. Never had he wanted to slap his younger self more than he did today as his Raven was adamant to dig all the skeleton from his close.

"No!" She denied and crossed her arms on her chest, diverting his eyes to her chest as he took in the view with a pleasant appreciative look.

She gasped at his line of sight and at once let go. She cleared her throat to dust off her embarrassment and reminded him, "You didn't even tell me how you met Su Qianwei or how your father died, which I know was because of an assassination attempt, or about the hundred men war you fought or why were you hunting for my Underworld persona 'Siren' like a rogue dog." 

She pointed her finger on his bare chest and poked with each word, "The milieu being you haven't told me anything! Or how many girlfriends you have had!"

Having realized she wasn't giving up so he decided to give up and give up as much information as he could keeping his d*ck intact...