8 Chapter 8 - Rooftop Musings

I had a bottle of Jack in my hand and a cigarette on the other. We were sitting in the rooftop. Mephisto was beside me, drinking his own bottle of Jack while eating chocolate bars. It had become a habit for the past few days or so. The cancer is in remuneration so I decided to take advantage of it by smoking like a chimney like I used to.

"Look at this life as a grain of sand." I blurted out of the blue.

"Say what?" Mephisto was lost on the horizon as well.

"It's a line from a song. 'Look at this life as a grain of sand, the blink of an eye, a world in your hands.'" And all of a sudden I felt that creeping sadness which has accompanied me my whole life resurface.

"What does that mean for you?" The devil looked disinterested while unwrapping another chocolate.

"That everything is shit, that we only get one chance in this life and that we shouldn't blow it. At least that's how I saw it back when I used to believe I could actually do something in life other than smoke like a pro and drink six-packs." Ever since I've stopped looking back at the could've-beens, it was useless and it only made me feel worst.

Mephisto took the cigarette from my hand, took a drag on it, bit a chunk of his chocolate, drank from the bottle he was holding and said, "The sublime allows us to transcend even the concept of time." When he saw the look of incomprehension on my face, he explained. "It's the feeling of being overwhelmed by nature, a feeling of being small, of realizing that you are meaningless in the face of it. The sublime is size, it's like the universe telling you, that you are just a speck of sand in the grand scheme of things if not less." He took another bite from his chocolate. "The weakness of humans has always been that they think so highly of themselves, yet they are helpless in the face of the sublime.The danger is that they do not understand why they are helpless. Fools do not recognize that the world can be both beautiful and unforgiving. "

I found it funny that the devil was spouting truth. "So in practical applications, I shouldn't be afraid of approaching Caroline King since I'm insignificant in the scheme of things and that anything can happen?"

"That depends on your perspective." He said while savoring the sweetness of the chocolate.

" Well, as far as I'm concerned, the amount of alcohol in my system is more than enough to give me a shit perspective in this shitty world." It truly was shitty. When I was still young and naive, I used to think that I could change the world, one way or another. When I had my first dose of reality, I remembered thinking how unfair the world is, how social injustice continues to rule in every parts of the world. "Is there even a god up there watching all of us here?"

He looked surprised that I would mention God.

"It's quite funny how you can easily believe in me and not the opposing side."

"Sometimes I think things are more complicated than that. What if there's no one up there and there's only you? Wouldn't that be funny?" I took another swig from the bottle in my hand, I was starting to lose control, I'm getting too fucked up to care anymore.

Mephisto looked amused. "If I had my way with the world, I'll burn it to the ground and save everyone a sad and unhappy ending."

Our talk went on all night until I barely knew what the fuck I was saying and before I knew it I had fallen into the land of dreams and nightmares.

I woke up with one hell of a hangover. My head felt like it was about to split in two. I checked the clock and it was already nine in the morning. Until I realized what day it was, I almost went back to sleep. It's Friday and I'm suppose to help Nica in cleaning and setting up the cafe for Caroline's secret gig for tomorrow.

So I soldiered on and went to have breakfast despite having no appetite for anything. I checked and Mephisto seems to have gone off. It's become the norm for the two of us, most of the day we barely had any contact, much less talks. It was during the night when everything in the day was done that our conversations begin.

Nica told us to be at the cafe around one in the afternoon. She said she was going to buy some extra stuff for the decorations. Say whatever you will, Nica's attention to detail borders on OCD.

When I came to the shop, she immediately made us do work all around the cafe. It really was just grunt work. Me and two guys, Tony and Chino basically carried a lot of chairs tables and heavy stuff from one place to another.

When it was all done and everything were spotless and clean, she motioned for the three of us to come to her after which she offered us food and drinks which we took gladly. All that lifting made us all too hungry.

I would've capped that day as uneventful except that when I turned around to get another cup of coffee from the pot, there she was, the object of my quest and the woman whose heart I had to win in order to have my chance at redemption.