125 Proof

Antonin looks at Regan for a moment before turning away. 

"A lot…" He muttered. 

Regan sat in silence for a moment before continuing, her eyes looking at her hand. "Tell me."

Antonin let out a deep sigh. "This might take a while."

"Make it quick then," Regan muttered, "cuz' my memories don't even allow me to remember."

"Ok then… I guess we'll start at breakfast then?" Antonin cocked his head. 

"Hmm," Regan nodded. Her eyes had dimmed and her arm trembled a bit. 

Antonin noticed. He was far more scared. Scared he might say the wrong thing, scared he might mess up on his fib, scared she'll be able to find out the truth. He wasn't scared for how she'd react but for how he'd react. It was made very clear how it would end if he messed up. It wasn't said explicitly, but it was said in between all the words Vixen had preached, there was his end hidden in the facts. 

He had no choice but to cover this up nicely. He had to be Vixen, he had to tell a perfect lie. 

He had never been good at lying. 

"We were having pancakes for breakfast. You had gotten a bit… anxious maybe? When I mentioned Vixen. Begged me to open the door for you, threatened me with my job-"

"Sorry for that," Regan interrupted.

"Nah, It's all good, I've long since and then forgiven you. Anyways, you started eating the pancake and way too quick at that. You started choking. I handed you the tissue and you took it reluctantly, saying you would have done it yourself," Antonin recalled, "then your kind of froze. You dropped the tissue, started trembling and then started screaming. I was so confused, concerned beyond belief."

Regan nodded. 'It would seem like you were.'

"I- I'm so glad you're ok," Antonin grinned, "I was so worried something might happen to you and it'd be my fault for not looking after you properly."

Regan said nothing to that but reacted by a little thump in her heart. 'That was sweet.' She looked away from him. 'It won't matter if he saw.'

"Then you started begging to be pardoned, inched away from me and were kinda pulling into yourself in fear. You looked up at nothing and your face twisted up in fear as if there was something," Antonin muttered, shivering when the memory washed over him. "Your eyes were so blank, like you were seeing but blind, like you were living but dead. It was like you were contradicting yourself with your eyes. And worst of all, you'd look straight at me, but you didn't seem to see me. You were looking through me."

"Ah…" Regan muttered. She didn't know what to reply to that, she was scared to hear that in itself. 

"Yea… you were hyperventilating and foaming at the mouth when you pushed me aside with trembling hands. Like you were trying to push away something that was going to attack you almost, it was terrifying. Especially when I had to look up at you while you foamed," Antonin muttered, his voice softening for a moment. "Then, somehow it seemed like you saw me for a split second your eyes seemed to focus. Squarely me on me."

Regan looked up at the ceiling. 'It seems like I did…'

"I was petrified, shaken, and frozen in one spot, unable to know how to react. Like I was glued to the ground. But when you spoke, I was forced to move, it was like a trigger almost. I stood up and ran out the room, your words repeating in my head," Antonin smiled painfully, "you asked me to save you."

'You ran instead? When I asked to be saved?' Regan's eyes trailed down to Antonin. "Why did you run away?" She asked, her eyebrow raising, "to call for help? Or were you simply running away from helping me?"

Antonin paused for a moment, slow to answer.

"Did I end up being saved by a bystander? Someone who walked into this room, saw me on the ground, and decided to help while you were running away?" Regan asked, her voice low and grim. "Who was the person who saved me, Antonin? While you were racing down the halls, who decided to help?"

Antonin didn't answer. 

"Answer me," Regan asked again.

There was no reply. Antonin was confused, confused at what to answer. Confused at how to word it. The answer was right in his face, truth spoken by another. 

Regan clenched her jaw and her hands flew out to Antonin's collar, yanking him.

"WHY DID YOU RUN AWAY ANTONIN?!" She yelled, anger set ablaze in her head, "WHO SAVED ME?! ANSWER ME ANTONIN!"

"I didn't run away."

The answer came out quickly. Quicker than he wanted to. 

"I came back."

His mouth felt sour. He hated lying.

"Huh? What?" Regan muttered, her voice wavering in confusion. 

Antonin pushed her hand away and looked up into her eyes. "I said I came back for you."

Regan loosened her tense shoulders and leaned against her wall. She looked at Antonin. "Explain to me."

Antonin locked eyes with Regan for a moment before looking away. 

"It was when I was running in the hallway. I was going to get help for you, desperately looking around the area to find someone who might be able to help you out of the situation that you were in," Antonin began. 

"Then why would you come back?" Regan cocked her head in confusion.

"Because I felt horrible," Antonin muttered. 

"What?" Regan turned to him in confusion.

"I felt disgusted at myself really. Annoyed that I was running away from you, that I was running away from something that I caused, running away from my responsibility, and trying to pass on my job to someone else. It was disgusting. I couldn't do it," Antonin looked up at Regan, his eyes reaching for her. "It felt so wrong to just leave behind something that you were entrusted with and try to pass on the job to someone else. What was the point of me being there then when I can't even try to help you with my own powers first?"

Regan locked eyes with him. His eyes were clear. He wasn't lying.

"So I turned back around and went back to your room," Antonin looked away from Regan, his eyes darkening. "And there you were, laying on the ground limply with a pool of throw up beside you."

He looked up at the ceiling silently. "I was so scared at that moment. It was terrifying."

Regan looked at him, her eyes trying to reach his eyes. They were clear. He wasn't lying. 

"I rushed to help you up, lifting you up from the ground quickly and taking you to the bed. You felt so cold as you trembled," Antonin continued. He smirked, looking at Regan, "do you know how heavy you are? I almost dropped you haha."

Regan chuckled.

"I felt you and you felt so hot to me, hot skin coming in contact with my hand so I went to the bathroom to get some wet clothing to put on your forehead. You shivered, saying it was too cold," Antonin smiled, "you asked if I was mad at you... How could I? I was so worried about you so I immediately told you that I was concerned. You didn't seem to understand."

Regan thought back. It matched. His words were matching with what the person said. 

"Then I had to clean you up. You reeked of vomit honestly, it was hard to stand, especially when it was on your face," Antonin continued. "So I cleaned it up."

Regan thought back again. It matched with what she felt. 

"You really confuse me at times," Antonin muttered.

"What do you mean?" Rega cocked her head.

"Why you allowed me to clean you up," Antonin chuckled, his smile disappeared after, "especially when you let me dress you. Your clothes were soiled so I helped you with that but still… it was weird. You should never let someone do that to you."

Regan stifled a chuckle. 

"Don't laugh, I had to make sure I got it across to you. Anyways even with all I did, changing the blanket and everything, you still felt hot and then would switch over to cold. It was unstable. But then," Antonin looked up at Regan, "you asked me to hold your hand."

Regan's eyes widened. "I did what?"

"You asked me to hold your hand," Antonin's eyebrows raised, "surprising isn't it?"

"Yea.." Regan muttered. 'It really is…'

"Apparently to someone, my hand felt warm so it ended up being the perfect mix of warm and cold for you," Antonin nodded. 

Regan nodded. That matched too.

Antonin let out a long sigh. "That was basically what happened. I told you to sleep and ended up falling asleep with you. That was why you woke with me at your side."

"Ah…" Regan muttered. 'It looks like he was here with me this morning. Everything matches with what is in my memories… but'

She raised her arm, it tingled a bit. "Did you do this too?"

Antonin looked at her arm and the bandages. "Yea, that too."

"I don't remember you doing it to me," Regan cocked her head.

"That's because I did it when you were sleeping," Antonin answered blankly. 

"Ah…" Regan muttered. 'Fuck. He saw it,' she thought to herself. 'No… he can't be the one to have done it... He wouldn't be able to be looking at me if he did. He wouldn't have kissed me, he wouldn't have complimented me. He didn't do this.'

"You were fast asleep too, falling asleep by a man like that you must have no fea-" Antonin shook his head. His words were cut off by Regan.

"Prove it," Regan muttered. 

"What?" Antonin flinched at her request. 'She asked?'

"Prove that you did it. Write it again for me."