20 Chapter 20

"So, tell me about your story." He started, propping his left elbow on the table while his right hand is holding a cup of tea.

"What story?" I furrowed my brows and copied his position.

He chortled softly as he placed his cup on the table.

"You're always like that." He commented between a laugh. "I haven't heard about you for awhile. Care to tell me a story?"

We're inside a coffee shop, taking some good times for ourselves. It's been awhile since the last time I saw him. Right after we graduated, he took the chance of running his dad's corporation while I gave myself enough time to ponder. I have traveled the rest of Italy to get some inspirations of my masterpiece.

"It's boring. You know my life isn't adventurous." I rolled my eyes in torpor while he chuckled at my response.

"Really? But you traveled the rest of Italy. What can you say about it?"

I grimaced at his question and sipped my coffee.

"It's good." I said and brought down the cup on the table. "I mean, of course, Italy's one of the best countries. It's just that, I wasn't enjoying the rest of my trip."

"Hmm," he hummed sexily and chuckled again. "Maybe because you find yourself alone in the middle of an ocean?"

I grimaced playfully.

"Nope," I shook my head in disapproval.

"Or maybe because Italy's isn't really your home. Philippines, right?"

My breathing twitched at his words. I looked away to avoid the topic.

Maybe? Maybe Italy's isn't really my home. I've been trying to convince myself that I have forgotten my past and I shouldn't dwell on it because it only hurts me.

Or maybe it was just a word. That I didn't really tried me best to forget and move on.

"When will you come back to your original home?" He asked, taking me back to my sanity.

I eyed at him, confused.

"Original home?" I mouthed and laughed at him. "No." I shook my head again. "This is my home. And no matter what happens, I will never ever go back to the Philippines."

"But why? I was planning to go to that country since dad built a business. He's going to meet Mr. Arthur Vega."

"Really?" I pouted.

"Yeah. And if you want, we'll go together."

I stared at him blankly. Is he serious? He's going to the Philippines for business?

"I'll think of it." I said as I turned to him. "But you know me, Harffiel. I have vowed to myself that I'm not going back to the Philippines."

"I know." He quickly replied. "And I also know why you don't want to go back there. It's just that, why don't you give yourself a chance to move on?"

"Move on?" I quickly mouthed and laughed sarcastically. "There's no reason to move on."

"A closure, perhaps?" He insisted hesitantly.

"Closure." I nodded and pondered a bit.

Closure? I don't need any closure. I have cut whatever connection I have in the Philippines. I even lost my connection with my parents since then. And also with my friends. And when I'll come back, I know for sure they'll torture me 'cause they haven't heard anything about me.

"What do you think, Ms. Marcos?" He scoffed and I turned to him with a scowl.

"Okay." I declared and took a deep breath silently. "Just tell me about your schedules."

"Great!" He exclaimed.

"But don't celebrate much." I cut him off and his wide smile vanished quickly. "I'm not yet sure, okay? I have to check my schedules too."

"Sure, darling." He teased and winked at me seductively and I rolled my eyes sarcastically.

After we had our cup of tea, he took me home and it was fine with me. He told me he'd be very busy this coming weekends because of the business. Take note, his dad runs multi-companies all over the world. So, it wouldn't be a surprise for me if he would be very busy. And since he's the only son and the only heir, it's his responsibility to run the corporation.

"Are you sure, hija?" Grandma asked worriedly.

We're inside her room. I told her about my quick visit in the Philippines. I'll be right back here because this is where my world revolves. And if I'll stay longer in the Philippines, it would be a torture for me 'cause I'm pretty sure I'll always see Royal.

How is he doing? I admit, I don't know how to forget him. I don't completely freeze my heart to anyone. I just avoid being near from people who I know have the potential in breaking me.

Well, everyone has. But not all has the guts to do so.

"I'm... still thinking about it." I replied.

"So when will you go back?" She asked again. I can see mixed emotions in her eyes.

"I'm not yet settled. I will ask further information from Harffiel."

"Harffiel?" She mouthed curiously. "That Italian boy, you mean?"

"Yup. He's the one who asked me to go with him. Since he'll just visit Philippines for some business."

"Lucky is he who had convinced you to go back, isn't he?" She plastered a teasing smile and I rolled my eyes.

"No, la. He's just my friend for pete's sake!"

"Oh, sweetheart." she chortled. She really loves teasing me. "Isn't it the right time to open your heart again?"

"La!" I whined and she chuckled at my reaction. "He doesn't believe in love. Besides, I'm not yet healed." I whispered my last line.

Honestly, the scars are still bleeding but no one knows except me. I tried so many times to indulge myself but I always fail miserably. In every painting I have, he's always the topic. Or, some information about it is him. And I hate it. I don't know how to completely erase my feelings for him.

'Cause maybe I didn't have the chance to let go. Just like Harffiel concluded, I didn't get any closure.

Closure? I don't need it, do I?

Grandma held my hand, making me back to my sanity and tears pooled over my eyes. I chased it away before it runs.

"You have loved Royal for the whole time." She stated. "I can see it, apo. And eyes don't lie. I have witnessed how you did your best to forget about him but you always failed because your heart is more powerful than your mind."

I looked away and a tear escaped from my eye. I stiffened as I felt a running liquid from my nose.

"I'm not yet ready to face him, la." I confessed and looked directly at her eyes. "He had caused too much burden in my life. He made me believe that fairytales are true. That they exist in the real world."

I thought that was it. I thought it was the beginning of our happy ending but I was so wrong. He lifted me up to the point that I don't know how to go down.

"Besides, he's married." I said and I tasted the venom in my own words. "He's happy now."

I heaved a long sigh. I'm really sensitive when it comes to it.

"What if he's not?" She challenged and I furrowed my brows in confusion.

"I don't get you, la." I admit.

"What if he's not yet tied with anyone else 'cause he's waiting for someone?"

I looked away again and gulped once. I licked my lower lip because of the mixed emotions fighting inside my chest.

Should I assume that he's not yet married 'cause he's waiting for someone else? Who could that be? 'Cause it would be so impossible if it's me.

No.

I shook my head mentally. Royal loves Ria more than anything else in this world. Yes, he's not yet married because he's been waiting her. And as much as I know, Ria wasn't really ready to settle down. She was craving for freedom. She doesn't want to be tied up early.

"I don't know what are you talking, la." I said. "Royal's been married with Ria."

"Who's Ria?" She furrowed her brows in confusion and curiosity.

"Ria's his long time girlfriend."

"What?" She contorted her face, making her wrinkles more visible. "I don't know about her, Alpha. You must be dreaming."

This time, I knotted my brows together. I am so torn and confused.

"Anyway," she started. "Let's not talk about them. What's more important than me is you, Alraine. I want you to be happy with someone else. Date other guys and find yourself in them. You'll know he's the right one for you if you have found the missing piece."

I just smiled at her lines.

"Thanks, la." I kissed her cheeks. "But you know I'm too young to think about that. I still have dreams to chase."

"I know." She smiled sweetly. "But I want you to be happy again. I miss the old Raphaela I know. I miss the happiness in your eyes, the loveliness in your heart and the smile in your lips."

I faked a smile and never said a word again. As of now, I'm happy and content with my life. As long as I have grandma, everything will be under my control. Marriage? I'm still 25. I believe it's not yet the right time to tie the knot.

Later that night, I locked myself inside my room and decided to paint.

I closed my eyes while feeling my own heartbeats. It's been awhile since the last time I felt it racing. And now, I don't know. I can feel cold sensations running all through out my body, radiating like tidal waves.

Is it possible that your heart is as cold as dead body? As cold as poles and icy countries?

I suspended my hand in the air while holding a paintbrush then I opened my eyes again. I can see blurry images on the paper. A fuzzy elements that showcase a combination of hope and death. These could be my feelings at this moment. My stone cold heart is hoping for nothing.

Black and red are the themes of my art. A black rose flower with thorns on its stem. I put some red color on the flower to look like a blood. And the background is black.

As I finished painting, I took a deep breath. The painting resembles my feelings at this moment. And I settled to one title, "hope of death".

The following morning, I did my daily routine which is to have a jog. After that, I went home to take a quick shower as I readied myself to visit some places.

"Have you heard the news, apo?" Asked grandma as I sat acrossed from her.

We're in the kitchen, currently taking our breakfast when grandma suddenly asked me about the news she's talking about.

"What news?" I asked as I furrowed my brows. I grabbed the green apple on the table and took a bite from it.

"Raphael told me your mom was rushed to the hospital."

I abruptly swallowed the large piece of my apple and I panicked when it was suppended in my throat. Grandma gave me a glass of water and I quaffed it immediately.

With a heavy breathing, I tried to settle myself down. The apple almost killed me! I was near to death!

"I'm so sorry, apo." Grandma apologized with a hint of concern in her eyes. "It wasn't my intention to startle you."

Coughing, I shook my head as I gestured in the air.

"No worries, la." I said with assurance. "Maybe I was just overacting."

"You sure you're fine?" She asked worriedly.

"Yup," I nodded and a cough escaped from my mouth. I took the glass and drank the water inside it.

I closed my eyes firmly and opened it again to met grandma's worried eyes.

"It means..." I started. "I have to go back to the Philippines as soon as I can."

"You sure you want to?" She asked like I was just forced to do something.

Yeah? Kind of forced but it's mom! She's still my mother no matter what. I know she wasn't good at all but I still love her. And I don't want to keep my pride and ego high. I don't want to regret after.

That's why, before it's too late, I'll go back to where I came from to check my mother. And I just hope that Harffiel will go with me. But if not, it's okay with me. He has his own life and I don't want to meddle with it.

"What made you change your mind?" He asked teasingly, bursting into a soft laughter.

We're inside the place where we usually go whenever we're free from work.

"My mom needs me." I stated and the playful smile on his lips vanished. "Grandma told me she was rushed to the hospital."

"But why?" He quickly asked. His eyes are worried sick.

"I don't know." I sighed exasperately. "That's why I have to be there as soon as possible."

"Okay." He nodded. "Don't worry, tomorrow, we'll fly to the Philippines."

"But what about you?" I asked worriedly and he just smiled at me.

"You're a good friend of mine, Alraine. I care for you. I know how much your family means to you."

I smiled in awe.

"Thank you so much." I hugged him tight. I felt him unmoved until he cherished me back.

"All for you, Alraine." He whispered against my ear.