Chapter 201: Fracture VIII
What the hells?
Id seen hints of this before. Glimmers of a past that cast Thoth not as an enemy, but as an ally. But from the way we talked, how that version of me felt, we werent just allies.
We were friends.
More than that, I was an agent. In that timeline, Id taken part in the Metamorphosis societys conspiracy to ward off Ragnarok. From the sound of it, I was one of the first. Same as Thoth. There wasnt a lot of hard information about the cult, there never had been, and Thaddeuss absence had severely impeded any advancement in that direction. But from what Ralakos had told me, it wasnt a small undertaking. They intended to use children with high potential for magical talentone of many tensions that eventually led Ralakos to walk away from the projectand from the way hed described it, thered been far more than three.
My predecessor seemed saddened by the loss of the elf, but not at all surprised. More disquieting was the sense of finality to the proceedings.
Had every other looper shared the same fate as the elf? Lost their minds over hundreds of iterations, countless wasted decades fighting against an enemy that could never truly be vanquished?
As the hemorrhaging husk of my soul loomed over me, swimming in the nothingness of eternity, it left me with a final, unanswerable question.
What the fuck was I supposed to do?
No, really.
I was approaching the limits of plausibility here. Even if I exploited every loop with potential, used vurseng to increase the time I spent conscious, squeezed every drop of blood, potential, and effort out of myself until there was nothing left, it still wouldnt be enough. Id lost, at the very least, centuries of experience. And the real number was almost definitively more. And assuming the absolute best casethat Thoth somehow hadnt reached the unknowable upper echelon of power my previous self was striving forshed still have a far better grasp on her power than I did.
It was unwinnable. It always had been. There were plenty of signs to that effect, ample evidence to draw from. Id been here before. But before, it was different. Id always been able to find the one reason to push forward, the one small, key, sliver of hope to keep marching forward. To keep fighting. Now there was nothing. Just a vacuous hole, as dark as the void that surrounded me.
Hate her. Stoke the fire until its so hot you can barely stand it.
Clarity stilled the darkness, terrifying in its intensity. For all her self-righteous grandstanding, Thoth was the one who had betrayed me. Whatever our bond, whatever her history, it was the only explanation. My previous self hadnt intended to leave the loop indefinitely. His mind was shielded, but of that, I was sure. It was a temporary reprieve, one that carried with it the chance of ascending to a higher level of power. I couldnt imagine being willing to give up everything Id built. So, when she removed me from the loop, potentially the same way shed removed Ume, Id trusted her to bring me back in. And she hadnt.
It wasnt until either by chance or outside intervention Id kept my memories of a loop, and been granted an ability that in some small way countered Thoths that Id been able to offer any opposition at all.Follow current novels on novelb((in).(com)
My essence moved back and forth in the spiritual equivalent of pacing, as I tried to put myself in the headspace of my unknowable patron.
Again, why? Why bother? They must have known there was little to no chance of my offering all but the most token resistance. That the best I could do within my smaller loops would ensure my survival to the end, that even if I used every smaller loop to the fullest Id only reach a fraction of her centuries of accumulated power. Gods were not known for bestowing frivolous boons. Well, to some extent they were, but the boon Id received was anything but frivolous. If my gift was divine, given in a time where the gods themselves were fading from this plane, it was almost assuredly astronomically expensive, even by divine standards.
So why? There had to be a reason. Something I had now that the previous loopers didnt.
When we are born, our souls are pure. When we die, our souls are damaged. Pure arcane energy repairs the soulwhether you want to call that god, or the devil, or whatever elsebut it doesnt do a perfect job. Residual magic left behind after repairing a soul is where manifested elements come from.
An idea formed. I floated above the eye, staring down at it, hoping my presence communicated disdain. I wonder what Ozra will do to you if you fail this simple task.
Many bad things. It snapped. Awful, awful things. And you will be dead. Very dead.
Then help me. And we both get what we want. I communicated the structure I intended to form, and the ideal way for the infernal bindings to be rearranged. Unless the mystery mage had been an infernal with dantalion flame, we were probably using different methods here. I didnt have access to whatever esoteric magic hed used, that was apparently obscure enough that it stumped a necromancer powerful enough to capture him. What I had was a demonic contract, and the reinforcing binding that supported it.
The eye buzzed unhappily. No. Too risky. Far too risky. Im not allowed to adjust the terms of the contract.
Interesting. Even in its demonic, tangible form, the eye-parasite still considered the chains as terms.
Even if the soul itself is under threat? I asked.
No answer.
Shame. I shoved fingertips of fire into the depths of my soul, intentionally brushing against one of the vital sections. Up to then, the entire process had been unpleasant. Painful. But the pain had receded into a dull buzzing. That dull buzzing suddenly exploded into a deep vibration, rumbling within me.
WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS? The eye shouted.
I withdrew the fire and plunged it in once more, directly beside the previous point, creating two cavernous holes. Because this is required. I will not stop. Ill keep at this until I reach the end, or theres nothing left.
It seemed to regain some backbone at the threat. A bluff! All things fear their undoing. You would not dare.
I tore out the barrier between the two, leaving a crater. Youve been with me since the Enclave. Im guessing youve seen much. My battles, my actions, my choices. Youve had a front-row seat for all of it. So tell me. After everything youve witnessed. You think nothingness is what I fear?
There was a long silence. Long enough that I withdrew the fingers of flame, and prepared to plunge them in again, tearing the vital section free. Suddenly the eye disappeared, reappearing directly in the path of my ghostly hand. It squinted, the red iris barely visible.
If this turns out to be some sort of ploy to escape your contract
Its not. I interrupted.
I will be punished. Severely. But the retribution I face will be a pittance compared to the penalty youll face in the hells. The eye said. Despite its pathetic appearance and voice, the threat carried enough weight that I got the impression it was probably telling the truth.
Slowly, the chains unfurled, creating a spiral trellis.
We built.
