81 Selfish

That evening Zhou Sheng found the monarch sitting on a bench near a koi fish pond and feeding the fishes.

Zhou Sheng watched in rising trepidation as Princess hadn't even talked to him since the time he had played the song.

He had expected her to be angry at him but he hadn't even thought that she would ignore him so completely.

If she had shouted or questioned him, he could have tried to explain and talk with her but this strained silence was stretching his nerves taut.

He had been certain that he could coax her and help her at least try to forget the events of the past.

He could extrapolate that she hadn't even cried once for the man she had loved and it was clearly taking a toll on her.

Sadly, he had grossly miscalculated. He wondered how things had gone so wrong so fast.

This was the first time since he had known her in either of their lifetimes, that she was ignoring him so blatantly.

He knew that she had already noticed his presence but none of them broke the silence.

He had to make her understand his good intentions - that he hadn't meant to hurt her and he had no intention of leaving until they talked about everything that had happened in the last lifetime and the own actions today.

"I...I need to speak with you," he pleaded.

"Tough for you then because I am in no mood to listen to your crap," was the blunt response.

"I know you are angry but I still don't regret my actions. Just listen to me."

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"No."

"Prin..."

Before Zhou Sheng could finish his words, Su Li whirled around to face him and he could see the simmering anger in those eyes and the stubborn tilt of the mouth.

He flinched at the look of betrayal etched on her face.

"What explanation can you give me?" Su Li asked icily.

Though the way she said it in feigned calmness struck a blow to him.

He sighed to himself before trying once again, "I know that..."

"No. Don't start with me. You know nothing."

At her vehement denial and her incessant act of not even giving him a chance, he felt his own anger rising.

With a glare at him, she continued, "What do you know, Li Rong? Tell me. Can you comprehend the pain I went through? What gave you the right to make a mockery out of me in front of everyone even if none of them knew the song pertained to me?"

For a moment, Su Li felt regret for questioning the person who had stood by her in her most desperate time and question his motives. But he had really crossed the line with his actions today and it had hurt her - leaving her with a feeling of betrayal.

A heavy silence fell between them in her words.

"You had no right, no right at all to turn my life into a textbook example and let everyone know about it. Do you even know that I wake up every night with dreams about that day?"

Su Li's words were relentless.

"Do you know how much it pains me to not have that person around me? Do you know that every day I wish for death? He is the first person I think about every day and the last thing I think about before sleeping. Do you even care? How could you be so ruthless to me?"

Zhou Sheng knew that Princess was just venting her anger at him and she didn't mean to gut him with her words.

But her onslaught felt as if she was scrapping at a newly healed wound in his heart and again left it gaping open.

Her accusing tone burnt him as much as her words.

He felt as if he would just throw up if she continued this way. She was acting as if she was the only one who had lost someone.

She didn't even care that he himself had lost the one thing that had ever made his own blackened heart thump in joy when he had first seen her all those years ago when she was running away from those thugs.

It was as if Zixi was the only person she cared about.

Didn't she care about how he felt when his own grandfather had killed her?

Did she ever think about the heart-wrenching pain and self-blame he had gone through in the years after her death?

Did she ever wait and ponder about the devastation she had left behind in her death?

As Zhou Sheng recalled all the baseless questions that had been left unsaid between them, he couldn't help but want to ask her and since both of them wanted to hash out things, he decided to demand answered from her as well.

Damn it!

Since she wanted to question him, she will have to give satisfactory answers to his own queries as well.

With a sarcastic smile on his face, he turned to face her directly and stepped forward.

"Yes. Yes. We all know how great and selfless you are. We can all raise you on a pedestal and worship you. I applaud you for having the determination to do everything for you and yours. But while you are having a pity party, answer my questions as well."

"When you decided to forgo your self-esteem to cut a retreat route for the person you so love and cherish, did you ever wait and think about the consequences of your actions?"

Su Li was rendered speechless by those words and she took a step back as if to avoid being hit by the weight of Zhou Sheng's words.

"What...what do you mean?" She stuttered.

"Oh! You don't know what I mean? How peculiar. Generally, you are so quick to understand the meaning of everyone's words, so how come now you can't understand what I am saying?"

With a sarcastic smile, he continued, "Your Majesty, are you playing me for a fool or did you really never think about it? While you are here lamenting your fate, did you ever think about anybody else except the person on your heart?"

Before either of them could continue their words, they heard the sound of a snapping of a twig.

It was as if someone had stepped on something but when they turned around to look, they didn't find anyone suspicious and both of them thought that it might have been the shadow guards patrolling a few meters away from them.