18 Confessions 5.4

I don't know when I had fallen back to sleep, but it seems I had. I felt so comfortable and warm. I didn't want to wake, but the light from the living room window was gleaming brightly into my eyes. I braced myself sitting up. Ben stirs a little, I hold my breath not wanting to wake him. I can't believe we slept like that. I feel the sudden embarrassment of our positions. While we had talked I had learned that his birthday had passed 3 months okay which means he just turned twenty-one. I felt little guilty that a man as young as him has hitched himself to someone like me. Even if he was a monk, there had to be other things that he could be doing rather then tolerating me. Still it's all for his objective right? Though I have no idea what it is I'm here because he needs me. I sigh folding my arms. I wonder if someday he will tell me. If that day comes will I want to know? Maybe it's best left a secret because then I won't have to face reality. I can just believe nights like tonight where because we have a connection. It's not like I can give him answers to my secrets anyway because honestly I don't know why?" Briggs made the rules and you don't ask why with him. Also when ever I ask why I was different he'd side step the question. Then there's my dreams I don't know what to make of them or to worry but these few hours is first real peaceful sleep I've had in a long time. So it's not like I could do the even exchange we discussed. I watched him sleep. When he's like this and not speaking the man was pretty hot almost unfair to woman someone like him became a monk.

"keep staring at me like that and your going to burn a whole on my head with your eyes." He suddenly mumbles opening his eyes and smiling at me. I quickly look away.

"Damn and the image is broken." I mumble to myself.

He sits up all the way scratches his head and yawns. "What image might that be?" he says winking playfully.

"Oh just the illusion that your actually a nice guy." I say mockingly. He doesn't get mad though true to his normal he laughs.

"Never said I was shorty." He ruffles my hair. "Come on it's nearly noon we better get ready to go. We have to get you a change of clothes seeing as your Robe and what you where wearing is ruined before we report in." He stands up and holds out a hand for me to take.

"I need to change before we go." I protest taking his hand, the other holding up the sweats.

"What I thought it was a cute look for you. Makes me think of those girlfriends who steal there boyfriends clothes also makes it easier to get into." He winks and chuckles. My mouth hangs open.

"Your a monk why the hell do you make so many sex jokes." I say flabbergasted. I haven't even had a boyfriend let alone had someone make these kind of jokes with me involved.

"Yeah about that; just because you take the oath doesn't mean it can't be broken." A Wicked smile on his face. "Beside I had a life before the monastery. I'm not like some soon to be 18 year old girl that still hasn't even had her first kiss let alone a boyfriend." He pokes my head and walks towards his room.

I feel mu face flush with embarrassment as I follow. "It's not like it was my fault. It's just the life I've had to live till now and even still I have to live in secret a part of myself. Also I'm not exactly on the boys radar. Maybe if I was more like Jen." I mumble to no one in particular, more like to explain to myself.

"Jen is that the girl you where with at the entrance the first day I grabbed you." He suddenly stopped in front of the door. I stop behind him just in time not to run into his back.

"Kidnap you mean," I say correcting him. "And yeah that was her."

He ponders with his hand on his chin then opens the door. I follow him in and watch as he walks around the bed near the night stand. He bends down to pick up something. "Yeah she was pretty hot bet all the guys in school would drool over her." I want to groan at his answer thank you mister obvious for pointing out what I already said. He walks back around and plops my backpack in my arms. "She's adolescent hot she can have all the little boys, you however;" His hand grabs hold of my chin to look up at him. "You are on a different playing field any man that gets to meet the real you would trip over themselves to get in line to have you. Your sexy in a way that shes not." He says so softly in a way that almost feels like seduction. The silkiness of his words roll of his tongue with no pretense or hint of sarcasm. I don't even know what to say torn between the fact he can't be trying to hit on me but also liking the way he is looking at me. Our relationship was different from me and Briggs by a long shot. Ben wasn't a father figure. We were partners, equals, but we still, well he still was a man of the church.

"Umm." I stumble for my words.

"Where your uniform for now to go out in will by a change of close on the way." He says smiling and he steps back releasing me. He walks out and closes the door behind him.

****

I don't know what I'm thinking. I clutch my my hand into a fist still feeling the warmth of her skin. Fuck it's simple, it's same as early this morning. Problem is she hasn't yet hit eighteen also she thinks I'm a full fledged monk how has taken his vows. I can't just tell her I haven't how the hell would I explain that without telling her everything. That I too entered under false documents and name of a previous monk who long passed. That I'm not human, that I can't... I curse at my own thoughts. I needed her to finally complete my mission but I don't know how to retrieve it. Slowly; being with her I'm caring less about what I've been searching for, for over 200 years. Instead I'm caring more than anything that if it means letting her hurt I'd rather continue to suffer to keep that from happening. I sigh running my hands through my hair as I stroll back to the couch. Fuck what on earth am I going to do. I never thought I'd feel like this but honestly I love all the damn ups and downs this woman keeps me on my toes. When I heard her putting herself down. Honestly I should have joked it off I know she was troubled by my response, but honestly I had every nerve in my being wanting to prove her wrong. I already held back and I'm not a patient man. Honestly it had been a long time since a woman held my interest. Every 50 years I take on a new identity reeducate myself and take on a new like specializing in a different scholar field. When I lost interest really in trying to make connections and got bored with the random flings I joined the monastery figured a quiet life would be easier for me. I never expected to come across my answer and my agony while I lived life in silence. I turn toward the bedroom hearing the door knob turn. The door creaked open. Her face was still red I smiling knowing I made her that embarrassed. She might have only agree to be with me and tolerate me because of blackmail but someday she will stay because she wants to right?

"Ready to transform back into Jarret for a bit?" I say smiling