25 Please let me live again

"You should definitely avoid the exorcist." Go Jae Hee and Nam Ji Won are sort of best buddies. She is about her age and easy to be with. "The priests. Shamans."

"Nasty necromancers." Oh Man Seok, a ghost of a middle-aged man, adds in the list. "I was almost caught by them in the cemetery. They are bad...really bad. If you are ever caught by them, you can say goodbye to freedom."

"Necromancers trap a ghost in a dead body to do dark things." Go Jae Hee takes a deep breath. Her face looks haunted. Nam Ji Won wonders what are necromancers. They can even haunt the ghosts.

"Dark magic practitioners are bad for ghosts. They do horrible things."

"You should avoid the holy ones." Oh Man Seok adds another one. "The people with faith are naturally painful to the ghosts. They don't have to do anything. Being around them can make you feel like you are dying a countless death."

"But you don't die." Go Jae Hee pales. "You remain as a ghost and hope that they leave you alone."

"The next is otherworldly creatures." Oh Man Seok wraps his arms around himself. "The death reapers. Demons. Angels. Gods. The list is long."

"They aren't humans." Go Jae Hee eyes her strangely. "They can wipe your existence in a blink."

"Scary." Nam Ji Won mutters. "I don't think that I want to remain as a ghost."

"It's not that bad." Go Jae Hee pats her head. "You can ride the wind and walk through walls. You don't have to eat or sleep. You can haunt people. You are also immortal."

"If you can wake up, that's better," Oh Man Seok says. "You will forget about us, but you will get a chance to live again."

"Living is also scary." Nam Ji Won smiles sadly.

The days turn to months. The months turn to years. Nam Ji Won is an outsider. The living can't see her. The dead doesn't accept her. The reapers wouldn't take her. She avoids the other kind anyway.

She is sitting on the rooftop, quietly watching the bright sky. She can feel the sunlight. She can feel the wind. She doesn't understand how.

"Found you!" The pale and sickly man comes beside her.

"You can see me?" Nam Ji Won isn't surprised. There are humans who can see the other world. She has heard about them. She has even met one before.

"Do you want to wake up?" His tone is light like he is asking if she wants to have some coffee.

"Who are you?" She sat up and asked in a low voice.

"My name is Choi Min Ho," The man answers her. "I am a teacher."

She makes a face. For some reason, he reminds her of a fox. She doesn't want to trust him. Go Jae Hee has warned her about shady people. They are quite scammers. In the other world, there are many who promises things. However, there is always a price.

"Introduce yourself."

"Nam Ji Won." She tells him.

"I can help you wake up."

"How?" She asks. She doesn't have much hope.

"That's a secret." Choi Minho tries to touch her long hair, but his fingers pass through them. The sunlight is almost passing through her, making her look like a beautiful painting.

"Nam Ji Won, you are beautiful."

She doesn't blush. She looks at him with dead eyes. "You are just a flirt, aren't you? I have met people like you too. You want a ghost girlfriend, right?"

He coughs, embarrassed. "I am caught, isn't?"

"Desperate men!" She yells. "Get a life. You don't look too bad. Go get a human girlfriend."

"I will keep your advice in my mind." He keeps playing with her hair, though he can't touch. The sunlight feels warmer whenever his fingers disturbed her long dark hair.

"I was serious when I said that I can help you wake up."

"How?"

"Hmm." He looks at her thoughtfully. "In most cases, the soul can't find the body to wake up or the soul doesn't want to wake up. Your case is slightly different. Your body is rejecting your soul."

"Rejecting my soul?" She eyes him in wariness. "Why is my body rejecting my soul?"

"There must be a time when you wanted to leave this world the most to escape something. At that time, you nearly died and your soul found a way to leave your body. For whatever reason, your body was badly hurt, but your body didn't die. Isn't there something that you still want to avoid the most?"

Choi Min Ho has a knowing look in his eyes. She looks away. She feels like he could see through her. She doesn't like this feeling of being watched. Her secrets. Her sins. He is amused to see her troubled expression. "If you want to wake up, there is still a way."

"What is it?"

"Go and ask for permission," Choi Minho tells her. "Ask your body's permission to enter politely. See if it works."

"It doesn't make sense." She grimaces at him. "If it's my body, why should I ask permission?"

"Mind, body, soul, and heart." He shows his four fingers to her. "...are same and yet different. When body and soul are separated, heart and mind suffer. To keep itself closed to other predatory ghosts, your body decided to close itself. You forgot the password to enter your body when you left your body to escape the world by force. Breaking the lock is out of the question. So, you must ask for permission and hope that it decides to recognize you. Even if your body and soul are separated, there is a link that is keeping your body alive. Using that link, your body will recognize you. It will harder for it to recognize you if the link becomes weaker."

It doesn't make any sense to her. But nothing has been making sense to her.

"If it doesn't work, find me again." Choi Minho stands up to leave. "I am going back to my room. It's hard to get a vacation, but I find myself finding people like you. Goodbye, young lady. You better hope that you don't wake up with some strange ability."

Nam Ji Won nods and thanks him sincerely. Choi Minho walks away from her with a lazy smile. She doesn't think that his idea would work. It sounds too ridiculous to her, but there is nothing wrong in trying. She goes to her room and sees her sister there. Her mother is also there.

"Tomorrow is her birthday." Her mother is wiping her face with a wet cloth. "My child is turning twenty-four."

"She is twenty-three in international standard."

"She should have graduated from high school and gone to college." Her mother speaks in a heart-clenching sad voice. "It was never quiet whenever she was there."

"She will wake up and make up for everything."

Her mother smiled weakly. "Go Eun, I believe your words."

They leave when visitor's hours are over. Nam Ji Won stares at her corpse-like body. She is too tired. To be honest, she doesn't want to go back. But she doesn't want to stay here and see her family suffer every day.

"Please let me live again." She begs. "If you cannot let me live again, please let me die. But don't torment my family like this. Please let me wake up."

She closes her eyes and let herself disappear into nothing.